Sunday, 22 April 2018

Where we're at, three months in ...

This was written last Thursday ... sheesh! ... it takes a long time for me to get a post up these days! ... 

It's been slow but busy around here this past week or so ... slow on the ttwd front but busy with the rest of our life. Spring is a happening time in our rural world. Frank is the outdoor guy and he always has a mile long list of to-do's. Right now, its time to do a bit of logging. We have a wood stove to assist with winter heating so wood needs to be brought in every year. The last few years we've been cutting some of our own trees in our little 1/2 acre forest. We've been targeting the maples and alders which grow like weeds and can become a danger as they age. We hire a professional tree faller and Frank helps him with the bucking up of the downed trees and chipping of branches. Later will come splitting and stacking which I will help with. 

Frank handles physical labour fairly well for a 67 yr old, but on the other hand, by the end of the day, he is down for the count. Tonight he is again snoozing in his favourite chair while I'm in mine next to him, reading blogs, thinking I am due to write a post. Also, me reading what other people are thinking often leads to me overthinking but what the hey ... it's a slow night so let's run with it.

Brain Gym

I've been back reading BDSM erotica this past week or so. Tonight's brain gym activity started with me trying to remember, without looking it up, the various interpretations of the BDSM acronym. Which in turn caused me to muse that there are quite a few D's and S's at play in this ttwd world we live in and from there I dove deep into thinking about where those D's and S's fit in with our own developing ttwd dynamic ... 

D for Discipline, Dominance, Dom, 
S for Spanko, Submission, Sub
D/s to describe a Dominant/submissive relationship

... and I made one up ... s/DD for what I'll call our 'soft' version of Domestic Discipline. 

Why soft? ... 

We both agree we don't do punishment spankings and we've also found there is hardly ever any need for discipline spankings. I rarely if ever break rules in a way that requires a spanking ... I'm not saying this will always be the case ... but so far there has only been one spanking that could be considered a discipline spanking. Like I said in my Colouring Inside the Lines post, given a framework of accountability, I do pretty well keeping my crayons inside those lines. 

One of the main reasons we ventured down this ttwd road was a desire to see if DD was a way for us to bring our bedroom D/s dynamic into our mainstream life. In looking back from our late January start to where we are now, nearly 3 months later, I can say ttwd/DD has allowed us to do that. It has given me way to be Frank's submissive in our whole life but still be a version of myself I am comfortable with (although Frank will say I'm an improved version of my former self ;)). The rules and guidelines we agreed to are fairly simple and their intention is to smooth out our life together, making it more organized, calm and deeply loving.

We agree he is the HoH for us (btw, have I mentioned how much he is enjoying his new role! :>)) 

and I am so happy to have him as my always Dominant. He is as always, caring, loving and supportive but now we can add stern to the mix ... in an early post I talked about 'the look' and how it affected me the first time he did it (with him unaware that he was doing it) ... Well, now he is very much aware and when he gives me 'the look' - it stops me in my tracks! 

Anne Desclos aka author Pauline Réage (Story of O)

So where does the spanking come in?

Frank spanks for my pleasure, his pleasure and to assert his dominance. I accept the regular spankings Frank gives me as a sign of my commitment to being his submissive - that's where my brain focuses when he spanks me ... being submissive. My focus is not on the satisfaction or pleasure of receiving the spanking itself unless it is a spanking given as part of an erotic D/s scenario, in which case, my pleasure is over the top. 

This again confirms the thoughts I had when I posed the question early on in my blog ... A Spanko or not a Spanko ... I am not a Spanko in the same way many in ttwd/DD blogland are ... spankings are not the be all, end all for me. Instead I would say I'm a Submissive who appreciates being spanked by her Dominant and in erotic circumstances, thoroughly enjoys a good spanking. 

On the other hand, we have discovered Frank is the real Spanko in this duo. He loooves spanking me! ... most often bare handed, over his lap in bed (mornings), or bent over or on said bed (any other time of day), with his beloved spanking lingerie (on me, not him ;)), framing his target in a variety of ways. He also swats occasionally ... and the bugger also bum pinches - ouch! He misses spanking me if a day goes by without it happening. Definitely a Spanko man!

So, with deep thinking concluded, I can now say, in our former bedroom D/s world, spanking was one item on the menu ... most often a dessert item, something to be savoured as a treat. For me, as of now ... I see spanking has become the delicious appetizer to the main course, that main course being a deepening relationship and some of the best loving and sex we've ever had.

... but this is our today version of this new ttwd life of ours and as many of you out there have told us ... it's an ever evolving world ...

thanks for stopping by ... nj


  1. Hi there, Nice insight to where you are and where you've come from. I am amazed how a spanking clears my head. I think the girl brain is always going in a thousand directions and the spanking is a way to get all of those thoughts to line up in order and make way for what is truly important. Relationships seems to always find its way to the top. I hope you continue to enjoy your path down this road of d's and s's and t's and wd's. :)

  2. Hi Nora Jean,

    So nice to hear from you :) I really enjoyed reading this. What a wonderful reflection on the beginning of your ttwd journey and how far you have come. So happy to hear you are in such a good place :) It does seem to be ever evolving.


  3. Love your last words - just like life ever evolving. Happy for you both.

  4. This bit about evolving - so true. so true. good to hear how you're sorting through everything with such clarity! well done!

  5. I like the way you are building this life together. Being a life long spanko perhaps I had over thought it for years, decades. I think the way you're evolving is lovely.

  6. Thank-you all for your kind words of support! ... Writing this helped me sort out where we were and Frank concurs so we are all good (for now :>)) ... nj ... xx

  7. Hi, Nora Jean! I am trying to make my way around you gals' blogs and learn about others' dynamics. I think a lot of us women are over thinkers. I believe it to be normal, natural, and healthy to experience changes in our dynamics, no matter how we started. Thanks for sharing your reflections.

    1. Thanks for dropping by, Windy!
      Yes, that overthinking ... mole hills to mountains is my claim to fame ;)) Glad to hear I'm not the only one.
      ... nj

  8. really nice thoughtful post. I enjoyed reading your reflections on your journey and how it is ever evolving. Thank-you for sharing Hugs

  9. Glad everything is going well for you both, NoraJean. Loved this insightful post.
    Rosie xx

  10. NJ,
    Great post and I agree with Sunny.......... ttwd is always evolving! So glad you are here.

  11. What a lovely post this was to read. It sounds like your Ds/Dd/Ttwd has really come full circle. It’s wonderful to bring it into all aspects of your life, live it, enjoy it, and reap the benefits all the time, not just in the bedroom. Thanks for sharing.