Thursday, 31 January 2019

ttwd ... the unexpected and unforeseen ...

Settle in with a cuppa as our UK friends would say - be it coffee or tea - because this is going to be a long-assed post - as in 'Windy long' :>)) A good editor with a red pen could cut it down to half a page I am sure, but I do like to tell a story ... and sometimes, they are long winded stories ... 

Frank grew up in the Canadian prairies, in the 50's and 60's, with much of his young life spent living on a farm. He is second eldest of eight kids. Reading was something you were expected to learn and do at school - it was not something there was a lot of time for at home where farm chores and helping with your siblings was the expected before and after school activities. It was also a time where there was not much understanding in the school system for children who might have what we now call learning disabilities. You were either held back or pushed forward and often negatively labelled. 

I grew up a much older sister to four younger half brothers. My parents divorced when I was barely three. I ended up living with my Dad and eventually, my stepmom, my own mother residing hours away in another city. The void of being without my own mother and in the care of a very young step mother, who quickly had 4 children of her own, was filled by my maternal grandmother. I am eternally grateful for her love and care - I was at her house every school day for lunch and stayed with her at least one weekend a month. Born in Scotland, immigrating in her late teens, she went on to become a school teacher. Her volunteer job after retiring, was running our tiny local public library. Her small home was always filled with books as no book hit the library shelves without going through her hands first. She instilled in me a love of books and is the reason for my lifetime of being an avid reader.

When Frank and I met, our shared interest in music was one of the first things that drew us together ... me a 70's folkie and he a 60's rock and a country music guy. We both played guitar and sang - him much better than me, having fronted his own band as a lead singer for a couple years in his late teens. This shared interest was a big part of our lives. Due this focus, what I did not pay attention to at the time, was his lack of interest in anything to do with books or reading. 

Once we were married and living together full-time, I began to notice a few things - especially with the normal practice couples have of leaving notes for one another. One of my younger brothers, going to school in a time where there was more information and focus on learning disabilities, had been diagnosed at a young age as having dyslexia. As a result I knew some of the symptoms and tells and began to recognize these with Frank. I also began to suspect his lack of interest in all things reading could also be a sign of a possible reading disability. I encouraged him, and to his credit, he followed through, to attend an Adult Literacy program where it was confirmed - he had dyslexia. He stayed in the program to it's end and although it helped, it never was enough to kindle an interest in reading.

So yes, a long winded explanation to say there has always been a disparity in our interests when it comes to reading and books. We would go away on vacation - me with a stack of books, him with a fishing rod. We would sit down in the evening - me with a book and him in front of the television. Once in awhile I would think it might be nice to sit down with my partner and have a good discussion about a book - but other than that occasional thought, I just accepted it as our way of life. 

This is not to say Frank never reads - he gets and reads a digital newspaper daily and has done so for years. He reads magazines and occasionally will delve into a book but usually that ends up getting put aside before he finishes it. What happens is his need to focus on the mechanics of reading, interferes with his ability to 'get into' the book. Yes, he has tried audio books - he falls asleep. Yes, I have tried reading to him - he falls asleep .... and I don't usually know that until I hear him snoring :>))

So enter our foray into Blogland this time last year. As I made discoveries in various blogs I would forward those posts onto him to read. He would always read my blog posts and as a result also started to explore the various links in my accompanying blogroll. Eventually this turned our morning time practice of an hour in bed, cup of coffee in hand, reading blogs - almost every day. 

One day in early January, as I came into the kitchen, Frank mentioned he had moved my iPad and in doing so noticed and read the book page that was open. He said he thought it was something he might like to read and asked how could he do that. I told him I could install the Kindle app on his tablet and download the book for him as it was purchased from Amazon allowing it to be re-downloaded and read on a different device. I set it all up for him, including the white on black print, as is my preferred reading option. He was fascinated by the dictionary and highlighting capabilities of the app as well. 

Fast forward a week or so from then and we are on our way to our big city getaway. I noticed he read the entire time both waiting for and on the ferry. Our first stop was for an appointment I had. As we parked I asked if he was coming in with me. His response of 'no I'll wait in the car and read', had my heading swivelling in a double take .... 'okaaay' I thought ... and off I went. When I returned to the car and opened the door, I startled him. "That didn't take long", he said ... however, what he missed was I had been gone for at least a half an hour. I didn't say anything further but inside I was doing a happy little jig! .... my man had been reading ... immersed and absorbed in the story - so much that time disappeared!

Frank went on to finish that book, in what for him, was record time and three days ago asked me to download another in the series. I happily did so. He is reading more in the evenings instead of watching television which has me awed and amazed! ... my theory is, blogs and the stories often found in blogs, are relatively short - something he can stay absorbed in without losing his place. The daily practice of doing this reading for a year has improved his reading abilities to the extent he can now lose himself in the story in a full length book - something he has never been able to do before. In addition, in talking about it, we think the ability to read on a tablet with white lettering on a black background may also be helping. 

Sitting companionably in silence in the evening, that blasted television turned off, both of us reading, is an unexpected pleasure - one I never thought would happen in our lives. 

Thanks again, for dropping by ... nj & Frank 

Tuesday, 22 January 2019

Product Warning ...

Attention: Product Manager
Discount Department Store

Dear Sir/Madame

On Jan 19th, 2019, my husband purchased the following product ...

I am writing to advise you I have determined, after just one use, this product should carry a warning that it could be dangerous if used in a manner for which it is not intended. If the back side of the flat hard wooden surface to which the washing bristles are affixed, is struck against a fleshy part of the body, it will cause a sharp stinging, burning sensation and deep reddening of the skin. If used in this manner after the skin has been softened in an environment for which this product is intended, the previously described affliction can be even more severe. 

I have advised my husband this product should be returned as defective but he says he is perfectly happy with its performance. However I am worried this alternative use may become more widespread and as such, appropriate action on your part, such as affixing a warning label, should be taken. 


Nora Jean Cawder

Sunday, 20 January 2019

Travelling ...

We have been on a little getaway ... 5 days, 4 nights ... long distance driving, ferry travel, city driving ... all of which does not make for a relaxing trip. Add to that, the travel intention and destination was not hot hotel sex at a swank hotel in sunny climes with a pool to lay beside, an umbrella adorned adult beverage in hand (we will have that holiday one day!). It was for a medical appointment and visits with family and friends, old and new. 

We got off to a not so good start ... we'd had a spat the night before our departure for which I'd apologized at the time but I quickly found out as we set out, the episode had kept Frank awake most of the night; he had not spanked in the moment because he was angry ... and he had no time to adminster a morning spanking as there was a ferry to catch. Consequently we began with a long but good 'car talk' - I love our car talks ... and this one was no exception. I am still amazed how much easier ttwd makes the communication process ... and there is no getting away from it (especially in a car) ... it is one of our 'rules' that we both be frank and honest with our feelings ... no hiding. I get spanked for hiding and not talking!

The highlight of the trip was a special afternoon spent with a special ttwd friend. I was slightly nervous in the lead up to our get together - what if we couldn't find something to talk about (duh!) ... what if we didn't 'click' ... however, within minutes, after hugs and hellos, we were off in a corner, busily chatting like old friends - friends that could talk ttwd face to face - now that's an amazing feeling! Thank-you, my friend, for making the visit possible!

The lowlight of the trip ... I think my submissive self missed the boat, ferry boat that is :>)) ... it has been almost eleven years since we lived in the city. Old habits die hard ... there were several hand on knee moments as we were driving. Which in answer to, I would tell Frank I was only 'navigating' (in the old days I was a city driver due to my career ... he was a 'burbs driver due to his, so I still think that makes me the better driver ... haha!) ... however, in retrospect, a true navigator might have toned it down a bit :>)) 

Add to the driving (which we had to do a lot of!), we were sleeping here and there - at 2 different hotels plus staying with friends. I found I missed our morning and bedtime DD rituals and routines ... they calm me and help me keep my head in the game. And of course, there was no spanking to be had. I knew Frank was watching and listening ... and was not at all happy with my headspace. 

At breakfast this morning, he asked how I was doing to which I replied I was doing ok ...

Then he paused ....

... "you know you are getting a spanking when we get home"  

A 'gulp' and guilty eyes were the only answer from me ... while my inside voice said "yeahhh ... kind of expecting that would be the case"

We are now heading home ... ferry travel requires waiting so I am filling the time writing this post. However, my mind has raced ahead of me ... and is already home to my delinquent,  submissive self, waiting for my spanky man to arrive and looking forward to my own comfy bed!

Thanks for dropping by .... nj

Friday, 11 January 2019

So we begin-again ... Part II

To anyone who remembers there was supposed to be Part II, this is a newly revised version of the promised second half of the November post ... So we begin-again ... It's been so long since I wrote Part I, I had to refresh my memory as to what it was all about ... LOL!

The original intention of the post was to give an update on where we were in our ttwd relationship as we neared the end of 2018. Now, as I come to actually write this a few weeks later, we are at our one year mark of living a ttwd life. I don't remember the exact date of my initial DD discoveries or the shortly thereafter sharing with Frank and his agreement to give it a go. I do know it was roughly second week of January 2018. My first blog post was the first week of Feb, a month later. 

Pre Christmas, prior to the Part 1 post, and then again post Christmas craziness, we've had several discussions, the end result of which was this conclusion ... our 'bedroom only D/s' continues to work for us as it has for very many years - after 20 yrs we naturally fall into those roles when it comes to our sex life - however, we had let the DD side of our ttwd lapse. The 'experiment' we set in play when adopting the DD lifestyle (using DD to bring our 'bedroom only D/s'  dynamic into our everyday life), maybe worked a little too well. We both felt this might be the source of my feeling that our ttwd always seemed to be about sex. 

So what does back to DD basics look like for us ... we aren't making any new 'rules' (or expectations as we called them originally) ... just going back to making sure the ones we agreed to, are met ... with consequences if they aren't. When we first set out we didn't have blogland to learn from. We started our discovery at the ADDS website. It was fun this past week to pull this document out from it's secret hiding place and have a revisit ... this is the 'rules list' we started with - so formal :>)) ... through the ADDS website, I found  ttwd Blogland and once there, we realized there were very many variations of ttwd and we could make it all our own ...

Generally our expectations are all about how I procrastinate, run out of time in my day and then get frustrated when I feel like I have too much to do. All that leads to a grumpy, snarky, snappy me. Plus Frank is a time managing man and it drives him nuts when I don't get going with my day and lay about reading, on the computer, etc or when I don't focus on a task and get to doing five things left unfinished instead of one thing completely.

And regarding the consequences ... consistency had also become an issue. Frank really is a sweetheart and I am pretty good at working him to get what I want ... or maybe in the ttwd world, it's more about what I don't want (remember ... we've concluded he's definitely a spanko spanker ... but I'm not a true spanko spankee :>)). Frank also 'forgets' my indiscretions if they aren't dealt with in the here and now - so the practice of accumulating demerits was lost on him - or maybe on both of us ... we've had some pretty funny moments where neither of us could remember what it was all about when it came to spanking time :>)). And yes, spanko or not, missed consequences, mess with my mind ... my submissive mind.  Frank has agreed his focus going forward will be on consistency. We've also added an in bed, end of day cuddle and check in, where it will be my responsibility to report any discrepancies and he in turn, will decide if it's something to be dealt with then or the next morning.

If you are like us and have been with your partner for a long time, you'll know you've been through several phases during your relationship. If you look online, you'll find various descriptions of these relationship phases (marital or otherwise) ... but generally they are:

.... The falling in love or honeymoon phase where all those hormones of lust and love go crazy and you can't keep your hands off each other

.... The bonding or becoming a couple phase where we get down to the business of building what we believe will be a lasting partnership ... making our house a home, having children, supporting each other ...

.... The disillusionment phase is where it can and does fall apart for many couples ... all the little irritants become big ones; kids and jobs and the stress of living life get in the way of your love. However, sticking it through and working it out means you can ...

.... Move into the last stage of creating a long, lasting love ...

 .... I had a bit of an ahha moment the past week when I suddenly realized these same relationship phases could apply to a ttwd lifestyle ... our last year has definitely been the Honeymoon phase ... exciting, exhilarating and passionate. However, after that ahha moment, I also came to the realization that our Honeymoon Phase is pretty much over ... sigh! 

... it's not a bad thing ... but that realization provided some clarification for me as to why our ttwd life feels so different these days ...  we've now moved into that second phase, where our focus will be on figuring out how to continue to build a strong ttwd foundation that will last. 

Thanks for dropping by! ... nj