Monday, 18 February 2019

A Discipline Spanking

Everything has been going along fairly smoothly here after we returned our focus to our DD agreement in early January.  We got by my minor health issue which meant, much to Frank's enjoyment 😊, spanking resumed - mostly for fun or minor infractions. Then, as we now know tends to happen, we hit a slight bump in the road. 

For the past month we've had the grandboys almost every weekday while our daughter works on a special project. That has me up early to get them off to school and has at least one, two or all three of them at our house after school, plus one or the other of us is running them here and there to their extracurricular activities. I am NOT complaining ... just explaining. We do realize how lucky we are as we know several people who would give anything just to have grandchildren, or others who would love to live in the same town or city as their grandchildren. We do appreciate having time with our boys while they, and we, are young enough to enjoy it. However, our days can get quite busy,  often tiring and as a result I can, on occasion, get cranky, snippy or reactive. 

Frank is also hard of hearing ... and yes, he has hearing aids but he often forgets to wear them. I am also slightly hard of hearing ... which makes for a bit of gong show when we try to talk back and forth when we are not in the same room. The eldest grandson was amusedly translating for us one day which had us both laughing. However, on this day, it was not amusing.

I thought I had explained a schedule adjustment to Frank. He somehow missed or misunderstood the explanation which lead to him not doing what was expected. I might have lit into him just a tad with nary a submissive thought or tone in sight. 

Once the kids had departed for the day, we settled into our easy chairs for an adult beverage and a read. However, I sensed Frank was not happy ...

"Are you mad at me?" ... I asked ...

... a pause ... 

"Well I am not happy with you" ... another pause ... "yes, I am angry ... you do not get to talk to me that way"

"I'm sorry but you were just not getting it - I didn't mean it the way it sounded"

"and that is exactly the problem ... it isn't what you say. It's how you say it"

"Well, then just spank me already!"

"I shouldn't have to spank you! ... we have an agreement. You should be living up to that agreement ... and you know I don't spank when I am angry"

Okay, now I'm confused. 

"What?! I don't get it" (meaning I don't get the 'I should be living up to the agreement', not the no spank in anger part) ... "if there is a line crossed or you have an issue with my behaviour, then we've agreed you can spank"

Finally, in what sounds like exasperation, he tells me to go to the bedroom, take down my pants and panties and get over the bed ...

... "and you are getting spanked with the shower brush!"

 ... whaaaat!? ... sheesh! - we've only given that a trial run and that was enough to know how deadly it is ... I head towards the bedroom and do as he says, telling myself I should have just kept my darn mouth shut! 

I hear him go to the bathroom - 

"Where's the brush, NJ?" ... yikes! ... I might have slightly hidden it by hanging it under a towel ... I 'fess up and tell him where to find it ...

He sits down beside me on the bed, half sitting with his left hip on the bed and then pulls me over and into him.

... "I'll give you a warm up"

Then I feel the back of the brush rubbing back and forth on my bum ...

"I thought you said I'd get a warm up" ... thinking I should be feeling his hand on my bum, not the brush ...

"That was the warm up" ... he says as he starts in ...

"Ow!!, ow!!, ow!!" ....... &*$%@! hell! ... that thing hurts!

After about 10 or so whacks he pulls me up to look at him. The man who never lectures starts in now ... 

He tells me does not like having to spank me for punishment/discipline ... that we we have our Honesty Respect Obedience agreement. I should be living up to it. He shouldn't have to do this. That it's one thing to spank for the day to day infractions where he is helping me and himself with the organization and smooth running of our household. When it concerns the big 'rules' that matter most ... he shouldn't have to do this and he hates having to do it. 

Wooooboy! ... how to answer that one ... I take a big breath and give it a try, quietly explaining ...

"Maybe it will help if you look at it not as something you are doing 'to me' but something you are doing 'for me' ... if it helps me wind down, calm down, get centred, then it's a benefit, is it not?" 

Silence follows, as he considers my response ... 

"This is not going to be fun ... so you have to tell me when it's too much because I won't know if it is ... and by that I don't mean you saying 'enough! enough!' ..."

... gulp! ... "OK - if I have to, I'll use our safeword"

Really! ... what was I thinking! ... back over I go ... and yes, I am a wimp so about 20 whacks (hard whacks) in it was time for me to call 'red' ...

He pulled me up and into him ...

... "Are you ok?"

 ... "yes", I responded quietly, trying to get my head tucked into his shoulder ... 

 .. he pulled back, hands on either side of my face, looking at me. He ran his thumbs under my eyes, wiping them ...

... "Hmmm ... what have we here?"

 ... "They're not tears!",  I said ... "my eyes are just watering"

or at least that's my story and I'm sticking to it ...

We still haven't sorted out all the feelings/issues that arose out of this situation. From my perspective, when Frank acts 'in the moment', angry or not, with words or a spanking, my response is instant submission. I feel it in my heart and that feels 'truer' to me, than any spanking for a minor infraction of our day to day rules. 

Yes, we've agreed ... more talk is needed ... 

... and PS ... that @#$%^& implement definitely needs to be returned or burned! It is, for sure, a 'weapon of ass destruction' ... up there with the dreaded Triple P ... five days later, Frank was still putting Arnica cream on my bruised bum!

... nj ... xx


  1. Hi NJ,

    It's funny isn't it. On one hand we should live up to the way we have agreed to relate to one another (I love your honesty, respect, obedience agreement btw). However, we are all human and as you said, you have also agreed to spamk when that agreement is not adhered to.

    I love how you and Frank communicate and work through issues and that you will talk through this some more. There is definitely something about a discipline spanking, the feelings surrounding it are way different and usually more intense. It feels more 'real' for want of a better word.

    Thank goodness I haven't had the dubious honour of being introduced to the bath brush!


    1. Thanks, Roz ... I always appreciate your thoughtful comments :>) ... nj ... xx

  2. NJ,
    I love your when Frank responds "in the moment," your response is instant submission. YES!!!! That is so it !! Sorry about the weapon of ass destruction although it sounds like Frank got his point across...... across your ass! I am going to ask Storm to read this post. It's a good one! Hugs! Windy

    1. Thanks, Windy! ... are you sure you want Storm to read it? ... if you're not careful, he might be taking a walk thru the aisles of Bath Stuff Is Us :>)) ... nj ... xx

  3. There’s nothing like discipline, be it a spanking or a lecture to help you find that submissive side of yourself. It sounds like that was a tough spanking but I love that you’re still talking about it all and sorting through all the feelings that arose because of it. Sometimes they’re just necessary to put things right again.
    May your meetings with that brush be few and far between!

    1. You are right, Laurel ... it doesn't happen often but when it does, it's memorable ... nj ... xx

  4. It took B several years before he was comfortable with the spanking when 'angry' thing. Everywhere he read back then it was shouted from the hilltops not to spank when angry. Well I call bollocks ( at least here). I even wrote a post on it. LOL.. There is a huge difference between anger and rage. When B spanks or lectures when he is angry he is actually more authentic, or less guarded, whatever term suits. Because of that it changes my instantly mindset also. When he used to primarily spank for rules that didn't have to deal with disrespect, or damaging our relationship, the effects weren't as great. They were an indication of his commitment to those rules, but for *me* it missed something. He did use those rules as a gauge though- the more I strayed from the little rules, the more aware he became that I was slipping away from where I needed to be, and if he didn't step in soon, the reset would eventually become a BIG/angry punishment.

    After talking about this for years, B 'confessed' that it was easier to spank for those rules than it was for the subjective disrespect. He often felt that perhaps he contributed to my frustration etc, even if he was annoyed with me. It was a slow process, but he became more consistent with it. He too hates to punish for
    disrespect but for a different reason than Frank. B likes to spank, but he likes to chose when it happens. When I get punished and he is angry he adds to his anger that I have forced his hand ( pun intended). I disagree, but that would make too long of a comment!

    Good for you both for once again working through the awkward bits to get to a good resolution!

    1. Thanks Willie, for your perspective ... I can't help but think it's difficult for an HoH to decide what to do when in the day to day course of life. However, when a situation arises where emotions are involved I think it becomes more reactive than thought out and perhaps that is what contributes to the feeling it is more 'real' ... nj

  5. I think that you and Frank handled the situation really well. Love how you communicated with him about the spanking. Knowing that the spanking is for you and for the relationship is important for them to know. I can't promise that things will get easier but you seem to know how to communicate and that's half the battle. Sometimes bath brushes break when the grandsons are playing with it using it as a hammer, just saying....

    1. Thanks, Blondie ... I always considered ourselves as good communicators, until we got here to ttwd/DD land ... then we both realized how much more we had to work at it ... it's the biggest part of this thing we do.
      ... lol! ... those grandsons! ... they keep you busy, don't they :>)) ... nj

  6. Hi Nora Jean, :) There must be something in the water...

    Sorry that you and Frank had to go through that. In a perfect world... Sometimes these things happen. Your poor bottom!! Get rid of that bath brush!! LOL! I never ever brought one of those home. The hairbrush is bad enough!

    Love how you both talked about it all, as you went through the ouchy experience. Getting a handle on those different kinds of corrective spankings is not an easy feat for a spanker. I like how you were able to tell him when it was enough, as he asked, but still were able to get through the spanking as it was intended. I have always thought a safe word beneficial because it helps the spanker to feel more confident about what we have asked them to do. They can worry less about spanking too hard, and still see what works for the relationship. I too thought it was wonderful how you pointed out that it was something that he was doing "for" you. You two worked well so together! That's awesome! Not fun, but I'm guessing that you feel like there was some progress made. That is a wonderful thing! Many hugs,

    ❤️Katie xoxo

    1. Thanks, Katie! ... I think the bath brush is here to stay, unfortunately ... hiding in plain sight, hung on the towel rack :>) ... ughh!

      Yes, I think a safeword is important. As we all know, spanking emotions and reactions range widely so it is good to have 'stop now' plan.

      We do feel progress has been/is being made since we 'recommitted' ourselves to our DD path last month. It's all good! ... nj ... xx

  7. NJ,

    We have been away and when away, there is no time to comment. We have all been there. A discipline spanking is hard, but it does happen here, but not often. It sounds like you and Frank worked it out and you both listened to one another. Then you came back together and started anew. I do like the aftermoth of a discipline spanking. I usually cry...... afterwards and then we face forward.
    Great post!

    1. Hi Meredith ... welcome home again!

      I think this was a first discipline spanking for us ... or at least the one that I will remember as a first.... in the end, we did work it out and it's all good now ... and thank you for your supportive comments ... nj ... xx

  8. sorry you found a bump in the road. Keep turning to each other and communicating and I am sure this bump will be smoothed up in no time. Going back to read your contract...must have missed that post somehow... Hugs

    1. Thanks, Terps! ... bumps are to be expected, we've learned. And yes, communications is the best way to smooth them out ... hugs! ... nj

  9. I'm a little late, but I hope you and Frank were able to finally talk all of those feelings out. But sorry you had to go through it to begin with -- but by the sounds of it you would have been totally frustrated had he not of followed through - so totally worth it in the end. Tears and all. (And note to self: Never take Matt down a bath-brush aisle!)

    Hugs -- shell

    1. Thanks, Shell! ... yes, I needed him to follow through and you are right, I would have been very frustrated had he not. Why is it we do these things, in spite of knowing it may not end well or at least end well for our rear ends! :>))

      And be forewarned ... I did not take Frank through the bath section ... he is a wanderer in those stores that have discount everything ... a favourite thing for him to do when we hit a big city ... he found the now dreaded BB all by himself! ... lol! ... nj ... xx

  10. Oh NJ, I am sorry you hit a bump in the road, but am glad you guys worked through the bump. I am sorry you were punished though!


    1. Thanks, Boo! ... yes, I was sorry too in the end :>)) ... and yes, we have worked through and moved on ... nj

  11. Hi NJ: This is the perfect reason to be spanked, and the spanking should be felt. When I am in such a mood, this snaps me out of it quickly, and we move back to a destressed, loving and happy life. Maybe your hubby should use the wooden bath brush with less strength, but a lower and longer pace. We never do bruising, but a grey spot in the middle of the red shows a very significant spanking. Glad, however, that the spanking solved the problem for both of you.
    bottoms up