At Gramma's House ....

... ahem! - except in this house, Grampa does ...

🤣 ... nj

Theatre Sports ...

We were recently off on our annual anniversary getaway. It is something we’ve made an effort to do every year since our kids were little. Then it was a much needed respite. Today we are retired but we still have everyday life obligations at home so the intent of the annual event hasn’t changed. It was, and still is, a time for us to focus on each other without day to day life getting in the way. 

The amount of luggage we had with us this year was truly embarrassing … I always overpack as I pack for ‘possibilities and choice’ not for what I need to wear each day. Add to that, sex is a very important part of our annual excursion so that has to be taken into consideration as well. We have a ‘toy bag’ - our collection has grown over the years so it now requires a small rolling suitcase. Also, appropriate sexy clothing and lingerie is a must. There was also another consideration for this years packing … role play … 

We have always had lingerie and cosplay type attire in our sex life. Frank, like most men, is a visual creature … when it comes to sex, he, more often than not, likes to see me attired according to his whim of the moment. Role play isn’t something I’ve been comfortable with in the past as acting has never been my forte. Dressing up I can do … acting a part … not so much. However, with a little help from reading other blogs in the blogging community, Frank was able to convince me to give it a try and whaddaya know … it soon became evident Frank was more than capable of carrying the acting load and I just had to be present and accounted for to make the appropriate responses to his lead … and turns out … that I could do ...  lol! 

In the lead up to our getaway, the role play situation got to the point where I was tempted to suggest to Frank that we not have any sex during the couple of weeks prior to our departure … the cast of characters he was bringing into the picture seemed to grow with every episode and the stage was starting to get a little crowded :>)). Although he certainly turned out to be a great casting director, I’d never call him a script writer. Frank’s approach to role play is more like theatre sports.  Even in our non role play scene activities, I don’t think he plans much. When I asked him once before, after a particularly spectacular session, if it was a planned scene … his response was .... “did you have a good time” … to which I responded … “hell yes!” … and he finished with … “well then, that’s all that matters” … discussion closed ...

All of which means our designated overarching roles in this new role play adventure has him as the casting director/lead actor and me as the costume and prop designer and supporting cast :>)). 

So yes, I also needed to plan and pack for all the potential role play parts … yet another suitcase. We only had 5 nights away so I was pretty sure not all characters would make it onto the stage but again … with no firm plan I had to plan for all … which included … 

• Pepper … age undetermined but a youngish preppy girl
• The Professor … stern taskmaster
• Dr C … kinky physician
• Nurse Betty - Dr C’s assistant (I’ve told Frank he needs to come up with a new name. I have an Aunt Betty so just saying the name does me in - not helpful when trying to get into character :>)) 
• The Store Detective and his thievery counterpart, Rosie, the underwear shoplifter … one really does have to give the man props for ingenuity!

Yes, the luggage situation was a bit ridiculous :>))

I am sure some of you would love me to spill details of how our role play episodes unfolded but I will save those tales for another day. I can say that I, Nora, was also along for the ride with the rest of the cast so I also packed a special new outfit for ‘me’ … pleather, high waisted leggings topped with my red and black corset … my newly blonde streaked long hair worn down. This is how I dressed for our first evening in … and our last. Turns out it was Frank’s favourite outfit of the vacation …  and when he said with a dark appreciative look and a small smile as I came out of the bedroom … “You feel sexy, don’t you?”, he was right. I did feel attractive ... and comfortable in my own skin ... and how we interacted with one another when I was me and he was him, emphasized to me, that although role play is a fun activity to put a little sizzle in our adventures, when we’re ourselves, Dominant man and submissive woman, is when all the best play begins and ends.

.... thanks for dropping by ... nj

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'Role Play'

... When I'm gone ...

Dance me to the end of love - Leonard Cohen

The prompt for the Erotic Journal Challenge this week is Aging ... What are your thoughts, hopes, and fears about sexuality as you age?

I've come to realize I have a couple of perhaps odd visuals in my head when it comes to time and the passage of time. 

My visual for a year is a flat spherical ring ... like the rings around Saturn except without the planet in the middle. The spherical plane is dissected where December ends and January begins. As we've aged, our annual trips around the sphere seem to have sped up.

My timeline visual for life is a runway ... you touch down at the start and depart at the end. 

Putting sexuality aside for a moment, I think how one feels about aging depends on where you are on the runway of life .... if you're in advance of midpoint - other than perhaps having a momentary crisis when a milestone birthday is reached, aging is something to think about a little further down the runway towards takeoff. 

Where we sit now on our timeline of life, there is much more runway behind us than in front of us. The horizon that marks the end of the runway is beginning to show itself which is why the title of this post is something Frank often says to me ... 

"When I'm gone ... " 

... and every time he says it, he breaks my heart just a little bit. 

I suppose, in his mind, he has reasons to speak the words ... 

... he is 5 yrs older than me

... he is male so therefore statistics are not in his favour

... he has been through multiple health issues, including two bouts of cancer, the last one life threatening and he's not considered 'out of the woods' until he hits 7 years cancer free - so another 3 years. 

... his father died of heart disease at a young age (however, I always tell him to look to his Mom for his genes instead - she is still with us and going on 91)

... he has always been the more pessimistic one

Everyone is aging ... not a day goes by when one isn't aging :>)). It's just when you get to a certain point on that runway of life, you realize there is less time left so you feel the aging process more intimately. 

What about aging and sexuality? ... for us, as an 'older' couple, I can say for the most part, keeping our sexuality alive has not been a concern. Health issues, when they've cropped up, have caused us to pause and focus on what's in front of us - but that happens no matter what age you're at. We also had one medication side effect arise that blew Frank's libido sideways for a few months (a blood pressure med - often a culprit in erectile dysfunction and/or libido issues). Physical strength and agility also can be a factor ... but if the desire and need for intimacy is there, humans are an inventive species (see 'The Stool' :>)) We are two persons, demographically considered to be 'seniors' ... our sexuality encompasses our life - and we are having some of the best sex of our lives. 

I also look around at my fellow bloggers, here in this little corner of ttwd blogland - many of them are close in age to Frank and I, or not far off. They too are not suffering in the sexuality department. Despite what some of the world might think ... (Ella had a bit to say about that in her last post) ... the old folks are still thinking about sex, having sex and often lots of it - because guess what ... we have time in our day :>)) As I said in a comment to Ella's post ... a doctor once told me the highest rates of STD's are in retirement communities ... obviously the old folks are still getting it on ... how safely is another matter :>)

But back to the words in the title of this post ... the most difficult part for us and aging, is it won't be all that long before one of us will face having to live out our life without the other. 

I often repeat back to Frank when he says those words ... 'But what if it's me that goes first' ... However, I truly hope that's not how it unfolds. Although I felt the gut wrenching fear of losing Frank with his last illness, and do not relish having to go there again, I do know that I am the emotionally stronger of the two of us. I am the one who has the fortitude of a strong survivor ... and being the one who is still here 'when he's gone', means I won't have to leave this world worrying about him ... 

Dance me to the end of love 

Leonard Cohen - 1984

(musically this is not one of my favourite LC songs but lyrically, like all his work, it's perfect)

Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin

Dance me through the panic till I'm gathered safely in

Lift me like an olive branch and be my homeward dove

Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to the end of love

Oh, let me see your beauty when the witnesses are gone

Let me feel you moving like they do in Babylon

Show me slowly what I only know the limits of

Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to the wedding now, dance me on and on

Dance me very tenderly and dance me very long

We're both of us beneath our love, we're both of us above

Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to the children who are asking to be born

Dance me through the curtains that our kisses have outworn

Raise a tent of shelter now, though every thread is torn

Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin

Dance me through the panic till I'm gathered safely in

Touch me with your naked hand or touch me with your glove

Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to the end of love

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Sometimes it's the little things that count ...

Trust ....

confidence, belief, faith, freedom from suspicion/doubt, sureness, certainty, certitude, assurance, conviction, credence, reliance ...

Mistrust .... 
a general lack of trust or confidence, more likely to be based on feelings than experience; have doubts, misgivings or reservations about ...

This prompt topic was a challenge to write ... not because there is any doubt regarding the level of trust in our relationship ... just the opposite. After so many years together, years that have weathered many crises where trust could have easily broken down but didn't - adding to that, our fairly recent commitment to the type of relationship we've entered into - means our level of trust with, and for each other, is at a pinnacle. It's a trust that covers so many aspects of our relationship ... the trust of fidelity, trust in the assurance we can, and will share our deepest thoughts and secrets, a trust of the strength of our love, trust of safety and security, a trust that we will be there for one another ... for the remainder of our lives. 

So I think we have the big T's of trust covered, as I assume most partners in a long term ttwd relationship would - this type of relationship wouldn't last long if big T Trust wasn't there. 

However, I can also see how little mistrusts might sneak their way into a ttwd relationship ... and give cause for the disconnect or unmooring from the relationship we sometimes experience ... 

One of my observations of the past year and a half is, if there is anything that is going to derail the continuity of a ttwd relationship, it's consistency - or more to the point ... the lack of consistency. Life and all that entails, can sometimes take over the relationship - busy careers, absences, raising children, health issues ... all of which can lead to rules and rituals missed or forgotten, designated time to be spent together waylaid or the need for unanticipated relationship adjustments. A lack of consistency leads to doubt (especially for the submissive partner) and that doubt leads to mistrust ... a mistrust that has us asking, amongst other things ... are we still really doing this thing called ttwd? ...

We'd been in the midst of one of these disconnects for about a week - caused by a variety of reasons. I was up early early one morning in order to get the grandboys off to school. The first ritual that ever appeared in our life (long before ttwd) is Frank sets out my panties for the day. There is the rare occasion when I go to get dressed and there are no undies hanging over the edge of the drawer ... and if there are none, then it is understood it's a no panty day (so also a rule). There was one such day the week previous. However, he was awake so rather than go without, I asked him what I was going to wear and he said he'd forgotten to put them out ... wow! ... unusual for him ... but quickly rectified :>) So now again, on this morning, there was nothing ... and he was still asleep ... I waffled ... did he forget again? ... do I wake him up? ... do I go commando? ... I wasn't keen on wearing none as I was heading for exercise class after boys were off to school. Not finding any panties laid out again in such short period of time, plus the disconnect that was underway, triggered a teeny tiny rebellious thought of mistrust ... screw it, if he can't remember then I'll just pick my own ... so I did and off I went.

After I got home I went to change and there was a pair of panties hanging over the edge of my dresser drawer ... 'oh, oh' ... I thought, 'busted!' ...

When I came out into the kitchen, Frank asked ...

"Did you shower this morning?" ...

"Yes" ...

"Are you wearing underwear?" ...

"uhhmm ... yes, I picked my own ... I was going to exercise class so I didn't want to be without" ...

"hmmm" ... was his response ...

Later, just as we were finishing lunch and I was cleaning up, he asked ...

"Have you made the bed" ...

"Yes" ...

"Then go bend yourself over it" ... yikes! ... ok ... 

He didn't leave me waiting too long ... coming up behind me, tugging down my yoga pants to check on said underwear in question ... and then pulling down my panty selection for the day. He half sat next to me on the bed and pulled me over one leg and tucked me in. I buried my head, clutching the bed linen, preparing for what was coming.

He laid his hand on my now bare bum ...

"So who decides what panties you wear everyday?" ... he started spanking ...

slap! smack! slap! smack!

"You do, Sir" ... 

... his sharp barehanded slaps were landing on alternating cheeks, back and forth ...  

slap! smack! slap! smack! 

"What happens if there are no panties laid out in the morning?" ... 

slap! smack! slap! smack!

"I don't wear any, Sir"  ... 

slap! smack! slap! smack!

He stopped short, brought me up, smoothing my hair off my face with both hands, making sure I was looking directly at him ...

"So ... tell me again" ...

"You pick my panties and if there aren't any laid out, I don't wear any, Sir" ...

"Good girl" ... and Frank ended it with a kiss to my forehead ... 

Yes, a tiny little trust reminder ... from Frank, a reminder that says he realizes consistency matters ... and for me ... a reminder I need to work at trusting Frank will consistently follow through with overseeing even the littlest of rules and rituals in our ttwd life.

... TRUST ...

Bittersweet ...

When I was a young mom and my own Moms were still relatively young, Mother's Day was a happy Hallmark card celebration - cards, flowers, family dinners and brunches. As I moved into later years, the life experiences that tapped me on the shoulder made me realize Mother's Day was often more bittersweet than happy. I now cherish the fact I have, not only Mother's Day, but many other days in the year to spend with my children, grandchildren and both my mothers ... 

Mother's Day is also a day when I think about ...

... those Moms who have lost a child ... through death, estrangement, or the selflessness of giving up one's child for adoption ...

... those children who have lost a Mom ... for all the same reasons ...

... those 'Moms to be' whose journey stopped at 'to be' ...

... those Moms who wanted to be a Mom but it never came to pass ...

For all of you, I  hope Sunday, the day of celebration for Mothers, is all that it can be for you ... and you are well loved by those you love ... nj ... xx

So how do you feel about spanking now, NJ? ...

I love this vintage Robert McGinnis illustration ... his knee at the ready, his submissive woman by his side

.... the question posed in the title of this post has been running through my head over the past couple of weeks or so, as I thought about how I was going to approach the current Tell Me About Dominance and Submission topic 'Spanking'. Considering we've been living in the DD/ttwd world of spanking for nearly a year and a half now, you wouldn't think writing the post would be so difficult ... 

Some of what I have to say is covering familiar ground for those who've been with my blog since it's inception. However, given that I am using a prompt and therefore potentially reaching new readers, I will give a short recap ...

Frank and I had a BDSM bedroom only dynamic starting in the late 90's. I would call it D/s light - kinky times 2-3 times a month and the rest vanilla, although the vanilla always had D/s overtones. Although Frank would have loved for it to have been more out of the bedroom, it wasn't something I felt I could do, so we didn't.

In 2016 I found a reading genre I'd never paid attention to before ... erotic romance (previously I'd been a reader of harder core erotica). I'd been binge reading for months when in early 2017 I came across an unfamiliar term - DD - Domestic Discipline ... I looked it up and was instantly fascinated. I read all I could about it for about a week before I took it to Frank with the idea that this might be an avenue for us to take our D/s into our everyday life ... in my view DD is a form of D/s, although a more subtle version. It was that subtleness that had me thinking 'yes, this is something I could do on a day to day, 7x24 basis'. Frank agreed to give it a go.  Very soon after I discovered the DD/ttwd blogging world and our life was truly turned upside down ... down the rabbit hole with Alice we went .... all of it in a good way.

I have grown to know and care for the people who live in this DD/ttwd corner of Blogland. Many (most) have harboured deep longings for a spanking dynamic for very many years before coming out to their significant others and sharing their secret. For some, those longings started as far back as their childhood. I too had early longings (although more teen than childhood) but mine were of a darker nature. One of the first books I 'borrowed' from my parents dirty book stash was 'The Way of a Man with a Maid' ...  and my second significant teen book find was 'The Story of O' ... yeah ... both of those definitely set the stage for what was to come. My point is I/we did not come into the DD world with a spanking fetish ... I/we came with BDSM kinks. Spanking, in and of itself, excluding the erotic impact play that was our experience, was something we had to 'learn' how to incorporate into our life - and the spankings came in very many flavours - from good girl to discipline to maintenance to reset (we've never gone down the 'punishment' path). In our learning, we deliberately avoided much of our previous kink ... bringing it out only occasionally as opportunity and need dictated. 

It wasn't long before I realized, from reading back in blogs and communicating with fellow DD/ttwd bloggers, I was the odd woman out. For most of the community, just the idea or hint of the possibility of a spanking, was a delicious turn on ... I did not have the same reaction. However, what spanking did do for me, was reinforce the submissiveness in me ... especially those spankings that happened in the moment - spankings, instinctively delivered by Frank in response to a situation, or when they happened for discipline, had me instantly submissive ... the feeling washing over me and settling into the very centre of me. 

Earlier this year, as I struggled through the SADS of winter, no matter what we tried, spanking did not seem to bring the release or reset I needed. Frank finally resorted to bringing us back into the D/s world. In doing so, we realized we were missing what we'd had previously and we began to re-layer our D/s dynamic and kink on top of our DD foundation. Erotic impact play, which to me is more than spanking, is back with us. However, the various other types DD/ttwd spankings have somewhat taken a backseat to our new activities ... except for one ...

... so how do I feel about spanking now ... 

We had an incident a week or so ago which brought clarity and gave me an answer to my self posed question. Per our DD agreement, Frank is the final decision maker in just about everything in our life, except for finances, which has always been my area of responsibility. A financial situation arose that caused us to have a conversation that got a little heated ... pretty much an argument. Fortunately, it was quickly resolved and an agreement was reached. However, afterwards, I felt uneasy, uncomfortable and soon realized it was our disagreement that caused the discomfort ... not the subject matter of the dispute but the fact the dispute occurred at all. I realized it had been a very long time since there had been any real conflict between Frank and I. Later in the day, I shared this with Frank ... he assured me he completely understood the decision we'd made. I then tried to explain to him that I was upset because we'd had a conflict - period - not what the conflict was about. He was a bit baffled until we had bedtime conversation later that night, where I explained ... if it had been any other topic, it wouldn't have got to a heated argument stage. I'd have been over knee, bed or whatever, getting my ass whooped, before we ever got to that point ... in conclusion I said "I should have asked you to spank me afterwards" ... 

With this incident I've come to realize just how important our foundation of Domestic Discipline is to our D/s relationship ... and therefore so is spanking ... spanking adds structure, discipline and the ability to wipe a slate clean. It reinforces our dynamic, including our D/s relationship - he is my Dominant yet he is still my HoH. I still am his TiH ... and his submissive. Without spanking, our TTWD wouldn't exist. 

I've gone back and reread the Domestic Discipline definition that resonates with me the most ... an excerpt from this definition reads ... 

"DD is the caring, consensual, consistently fair use of structure, accountability and discipline as a positive way to enhance communication, deepen intimacy and reinforce relationship commitment. The discipline normally includes one of many styles of  disciplinary actions or measures, but first centres around rules of behaviour asked for by one partner and agreed to by the other." 

... and spanking is the most commonly used disciplinary measure.

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Eyes On Me ...

Aroused from the touching, tugging and stroking that happens during our morning ritual, he instructs me to straddle him ... 

A large pillow behind me, between my calves and my thighs, raises me up so I am in his sight ... all of me in his sight. He reaches back and pulls out the favoured vibrator, placing the flat head on my pubic bone ... 

... "Hold it" 

I wrap both hands around it - not daring to turn it on ... waiting for the next instruction ...

He reaches out a forefinger, pushing down on my chin ... 

... "Open your mouth .... and leave it open ... don't close it or I will spank you" ... he warns softly ...

My mouth gapes ... it is a favoured instruction of his ... one that always leaves me feeling awkward and vulnerable ...

He reaches out and turns the vibrator to full, my hips jerking up to meet the pulsations. I close my eyes and throw my head back in response ...

... "Eyes on me, Babygirl ... open your eyes"

I want to keep them closed, so as to revel in the sensations racing through me, but I open them, looking straight into his grey/green eyes ... 

... "Do not close your eyes ... if you close your eyes, I will spank you hard ... look at me ... look right at me"

..."and do .. not .. come"

Why is it those three little words, amp up the need, my need to do what I am told I can't, all the while having to keep mouth and eyes open ... 

My internal muscles, from the floor of my pelvis up, clench at the nothing that is there, driving me higher, while my mind tries to tamp it all down ...

... I need to wait ... I need to wait ... I need to wait ... but I can't ... so I beg ...

... "Please, please, please, please, Sir, may I come" 

It's what he's been waiting for ... the timing just right, as he sends me over the edge with his words ... 

"Come for me, Baby" ...

.... and I do ... 

Talk About Orgasms ...

Blogger, Brigit Delaney, host of the Erotic Journal meme, posted a Reader's Forum question last week ... "Do You Use Orgasm Control". I had a couple of draft posts related to this topic in my files so I figured it was a good time to dig into what this means for Frank and I.

First some tech notes :>)) ... because not everyone out there in Blogland will be in the know ...

What is Orgasm Control? ... overall, it means a Dominant permits or denies a submissive's orgasm(s) as he/she sees fit. It can mean 'edging' ... which is being brought close to 'the edge' of an orgasm and then being held there for a period of time. If it is an extended period of time, the result may be a euphoric sensation, often referred to as 'subspace'. It can mean orgasm denial - denial in the moment of orgasmic arousal, or denial over a period of time - days, weeks, etc ... or denial of any self pleasure. It can also involve 'forced' orgasms, which is the continuation of stimulation post an orgasm, bringing the submissive to one or more additional orgasms, over which they have no control. Forced orgasms may also result in the euphoria of subspace.

Regarding orgasm denial over an extended period time ... not a lot of point there for us ... we are both of the age where 'use it or lose it' is a priority ... more sex begets more sex ... if we were to leave it for too long, for sure my fickle libido would head south.

And forced orgasms ... I doubt that's ever happening for us - I am happy for one orgasm and although there have been a couple of times Frank has dipped into his bag of magic tricks and made one more happen, the end result for me is a second is not as good as the first and I'd rather have one good than more not so good. And on that note ... I elaborated on my orgasmic challenges in a post last year called Frustrated - however, after our D/s reset of a couple of months ago and our subsequent return to our D/s roots and an increased focus on our kink, I am happy to report my libido has since returned, as have my orgasmic abilities. As Frank commented  recently ... "you have your mojo back" ... ha! ... yes, Sir, I do!

For Frank and I ... our orgasm control experience is more of the 'edging' and 'denial' variety. Frank will bring me to the edge and then deny orgasm in the moment, until he decides to give me the go ahead. I've never reached subspace ... but amazing orgasms? ... hell yes!

And finally, for Frank ... a phenomenon of a somewhat unexplained variety, has emerged. With his own physical needs diminishing (a combination of his age and the fact he is 14 years post a prostatectomy), more and more, he finds my pleasure is his pleasure ... he says he loves to watch me 'come alive' :>))

Take what happened a few weeks ago … sated from an intense D/s session, I was sprawled across his chest, recovering, when I kinda muttered something like …

"and what can I do for you, Sir" … to which he responded ...

"nothing, I already came" ... my head popped up …

"what do you mean?!" …

He said he had what he could only describe as a mind orgasm … he felt a charged euphoria which he described as an adrenaline rush (but perhaps more likely was an endorphin rush), plus orgasmic sensations, through assisting and watching me achieve orgasm. A D/s blogger friend has suggested it might be something called 'Top Space' or 'Dom Space' ... more research is required :>)) ... but the concept is mind-blowing in more ways than one ... 

Early morning leaving ...

It is very rare that Frank and I are ever apart ... at least for any length of time. He doesn't like it when I have to go away and I don't like going away without him ... 

However, I am off to the city early tomorrow for a few days ... appointments and get togethers with old friends and family ... someone has to stay home to 'mind the farm' and that is him ... 

I am sure he'll have me leaving with a few 'reminders' :>) to make sure I have him in my mind and submissive heart .... 

.... and I look forward to the best part of going away ... coming home to him ... 

Rules to live by ... or not ...

Tell Me About Dominance and Submission - #6 - Rules

"What Rules do you have and why? What happens if you break a rule and what are the rewards for sticking to them? Perhaps you have elements of DD (domestic discipline) to your relationship and so Rules play a particularly important part.  Whether you are Dominant or submissive we would encourage you to share your thoughts and experience on Rules and how they form part of your dynamic, and possibly, your lifestyle."

I have been writing this post off and on for a couple of weeks now ... when I saw the topic my first thought was this one should be a no brainer. We've just been through a year plus of introducing DD to our dynamic which means we have a fairly fresh point of view to the creating and living with rules. However as I started to gather my thoughts I realized the post could take many turns. Every time I'd sit down to write, I found I ended up with snippet of this view or that. I was having trouble pulling it all together ... 

I thought I could talk about first dipping our toes into the land of DD and rules, and how I/we felt about it all. However, I've already written that post. It was the second post I put up for this blog after it's creation last year, when rules and the following of rules were the immediate focus of our relationship. The post is called "Colouring Inside the Lines" ...

I also thought I might talk about what it took to move from a no rules life into a Domestic Discipline relationship, a dynamic which is very much about rules, and discipline as the consequence for breaking rules (the discipline in our case, is mostly spanking with the occasional time out). We took our time, did our research which we followed up with talking, negotiating and agreeing. The outcome of that work is a framework which can be found on our "Our DD Agreement" page at the top of this blog ... all still very much a valid part of our life today.

One of the things I am trying to understand now, with our shift to a more D/s focus in our life, is how the rules and consequences might differ in a D/s lifestyle versus a DD lifestyle ... will there be any difference from what we already have in place ... I don't think so other than I suspect Frank may look to add rules that are more sexual in nature. I also don't think there will be any huge difference in consequences. Frank loves to spank and I'm not keen on non erotic spankings so they remain an effective deterrent ...

Top of mind is how my thinking about rules has changed. In some of my reading about D/s lifestyles, two books brought home similar messages ... a person cannot make another person do anything ...  the choice to do what is asked, lies within the subjected person. Their options may be limited or expanded, or potential consequences may be imposed, but the ultimate choice to do what is asked still lies with the person who is expected to do the act. I've realized this is a key point for me. We have task type rules put in place at the beginning, which are hardly ever talked about now ... they have become habit for me ... I just do them. However, I have come to realize, as I do them, I am consciously making the choice to do whatever task it is ... I've noticed I am fully aware I am doing the task for Frank, because it's what he has asked of me ... and every time I do each and every one, the doing ignites my submission. Lately, I've also find myself looking to provide service for him ... unasked for service and the doing of that service also brings about a submissive mindset, which I call my submissive heart.

So I had gathered all of these thoughts and was attempting to bring it all together, when, as often happens, Frank tipped things over and in doing so, brought in yet another perspective ...

There was a little incident last week that highlighted a potential dilemma ... 'what happens when your Dominant or HoH decides to implement a rule that you really don't think you can abide by' ...

From early on last year, it became evident there was a little something that Frank wanted to make a rule but didn't only because he knows I have strong negative feelings about it. He still has not gone there ... as yet ... but I am sure it is only a matter of time. In the big scheme of things, it really shouldn't be a big deal ... but for me it is ... Frank likes me to have polished finger nails ... yeah, yeah ... I can see the eye rolls ...  really, Nora Jean ... what is the big deal about that. However, as I talked about it in another very early on post last year, called "Not a Girly Girl", it's not something I've done throughout my life and therefore my proficiency in doing so is somewhat lacking. I was able to convince Frank to do it for me the last time he 'requested' my nails be done ... which I talked about in the post "Whining". However, he has since informed me that won't be happening again, saying "you should be able do it yourself ... other women don't seem to have an issue doing their nails" but he hasn't made a 'do your nails' request since that time, until the other day ...

I was just out of the bath when he came into the bathroom and instructed ...

"Sit on the edge of the tub, spread your legs and put your hands on your knees like this" ... his extended his hands palms down.

I complied ... waiting, watching. He leaned back against the vanity and crossed his arms across his chest and looked intently at me. When he crosses his arms over his chest? ... that's a Frank 'tell' ... it means pay attention and listen ... I waited for what he had to say ...

"I know you have a busy day tomorrow and most likely the next day as well" ... his eyes swept over my hands and down to to my feet and back up ... 

... he continued to speak ...

"On Friday you should have some free time ... I want you to do your nails, and your toes need doing as well"

My inner self sagged a bit ...

"And if you don't do it ... I will spank you"

My inner self perked up and almost had me chiming ... "I'll take the spanking" ... when he added ...

"Fifty on each cheek with the bath brush"

Fucking hell! ... not at all something I could manage ... so I replied as he expected ...

"Yes, Sir"

"Friday by bedtime" ... he gave me one last look and departed with a "you can get dressed" ...

For the procrastinator in me, Friday seemed a long way off but before I knew it, Friday's supper was over and the evening was ahead of us. Frank settled in for some tv ... I headed off to get 'it' done and over with.

The pedi part ... not an issue ... done and done. My left hand - passable ... my right hand - now the frustration sets in. It is said, building enough muscle memory to become proficient at something takes 10,000 hours of practice ... I don't have enough nail painting hours left in my lifetime to be able to get any better at doing right hand nails with my left hand. By the end, I was in a 'don't give a shit what it looks like' frame of mind. I put away all the 'gear' ... and headed back out to the living room and Frank. Fingers akimbo with drying nails, I flopped into my easy chair beside him. He glanced over ...

"What's wrong, NJ" ...

"Nothing"

"Really? ..."

"I'm fine" ... yeah, the classic female answer for 'piss off and leave me alone' ...

"I don't think so, and I'm not going to ask you again" (yes, being open and honest IS one of our rules which falls under the Honesty principle)

My temper flared, any hint of submission now out the window ...

"I fucking hate having to do my nails ... you know it and I don't understand why you continue to ask me to do it" ...

Silence .... and he didn't even turn to look at me ...

I tried to turn my attention to the tv but after 15 minutes of no further talk or discussion, my guilt at being an ass got the better of me. I crawled into his lap, put my head in his shoulder and apologized. He patted my back, gave me a kiss and still said nothing. I went back to my own chair and nothing more was mentioned the rest of the evening.

When we went to bed, I was laying on my side as usual, waiting for him to get in and cuddle up for the usual spoon behind me. Instead I heard as he got into bed ...

"Turn around and look at me" ... I did.  He had his head propped up on his hand and looking down at me, continued ...

"I know you don't like doing your nails. I knew you were not going to be happy about doing them. However, it was for me. It was me asking you to do something for me. I didn't care how they looked ... just having you do it, for me, was the important part. However, that aside ... you know what I am upset about now ..."

At this point I might have said "just spank me" ...

"I'm not going to spank you ... when I ask you what is bothering you, we talk ... you don't push me away ... do you understand?"

"Yes, Sir"  ... and with that we were soon snuggled in for the night.

Next morning I was making the bed when Frank came over to me. He gestured for my hands, taking both of mine in his and examined my nails.

"Very pretty ... I love it when you have pretty nails"

Sigh! ... sometimes I just can't let things be ... because before I could check myself, out came ...

"Not only are you deaf, you are blind as well ... they look like crap!" ...

And with that ... Frank, his hand and my ass had a very long conversation, with me as an active listener. The lecture from the night before, along with some additional thoughts around disrespect and our agreement, were the main focus. When he was done, I was definitely done. He uprighted me, pulled me in for a hug and kiss (one of the best outcomes of a DD type discipline spanking is when it is over, all is forgiven and the guilt disappears with the glow of your bum) ... and said ...

"I'm not making you keeping your nails done a rule ... however, should you ever want to do something special for me, do your nails. You will make me a very happy man"

... cue squishy submissive heart ...

... I still think it's going to become a rule ... now I have to figure out how I am going to deal with it when it does ...

💞

... this was a long one ... thanks for dropping by ... and sticking with it to the end 😊 ... nj 

Tell Me About Dominance and Submission - #6 - Rules