Blogger, Brigit Delaney, host of the Erotic Journal meme, posted a Reader's Forum question last week ... "Do You Use Orgasm Control". I had a couple of draft posts related to this topic in my files so I figured it was a good time to dig into what this means for Frank and I.
First some tech notes :>)) ... because not everyone out there in Blogland will be in the know ...
What is Orgasm Control? ... overall, it means a Dominant permits or denies a submissive's orgasm(s) as he/she sees fit. It can mean 'edging' ... which is being brought close to 'the edge' of an orgasm and then being held there for a period of time. If it is an extended period of time, the result may be a euphoric sensation, often referred to as 'subspace'. It can mean orgasm denial - denial in the moment of orgasmic arousal, or denial over a period of time - days, weeks, etc ... or denial of any self pleasure. It can also involve 'forced' orgasms, which is the continuation of stimulation post an orgasm, bringing the submissive to one or more additional orgasms, over which they have no control. Forced orgasms may also result in the euphoria of subspace.
Regarding orgasm denial over an extended period time ... not a lot of point there for us ... we are both of the age where 'use it or lose it' is a priority ... more sex begets more sex ... if we were to leave it for too long, for sure my fickle libido would head south.
And forced orgasms ... I doubt that's ever happening for us - I am happy for one orgasm and although there have been a couple of times Frank has dipped into his bag of magic tricks and made one more happen, the end result for me is a second is not as good as the first and I'd rather have one good than more not so good. And on that note ... I elaborated on my orgasmic challenges in a post last year called Frustrated - however, after our D/s reset of a couple of months ago and our subsequent return to our D/s roots and an increased focus on our kink, I am happy to report my libido has since returned, as have my orgasmic abilities. As Frank commented recently ... "you have your mojo back" ... ha! ... yes, Sir, I do!
For Frank and I ... our orgasm control experience is more of the 'edging' and 'denial' variety. Frank will bring me to the edge and then deny orgasm in the moment, until he decides to give me the go ahead. I've never reached subspace ... but amazing orgasms? ... hell yes!
And finally, for Frank ... a phenomenon of a somewhat unexplained variety, has emerged. With his own physical needs diminishing (a combination of his age and the fact he is 14 years post a prostatectomy), more and more, he finds my pleasure is his pleasure ... he says he loves to watch me 'come alive' :>))
Take what happened a few weeks ago … sated from an intense D/s session, I was sprawled across his chest, recovering, when I kinda muttered something like …
"and what can I do for you, Sir" … to which he responded ...
"nothing, I already came" ... my head popped up …
"what do you mean?!" …
He said he had what he could only describe as a mind orgasm … he felt a charged euphoria which he described as an adrenaline rush (but perhaps more likely was an endorphin rush), plus orgasmic sensations, through assisting and watching me achieve orgasm. A D/s blogger friend has suggested it might be something called 'Top Space' or 'Dom Space' ... more research is required :>)) ... but the concept is mind-blowing in more ways than one ...
Hi NJ,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading this. 'Dom space', interesting. There have been occasions Rick has orgasmed pleasuring me in the past.
As for orgasm control, like you, it has mainly been edging and denial in the moment and only on the odd occasion.
Hugs
Roz
Hi Roz ... good to know you understand :>) and yes, it was definitely interesting ... nj ... xx
DeleteWow! That's very cool. I have heard talk of that before, but it still seems amazing to me. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteHi Olivia ... yes, amazing to me/us as well :>) ... nj ... xx
DeleteLoved this post, NJ. Got my mojo at least thinking "I wonder when Sam will wake up this morning?"
ReplyDeleteMany times if for some reason I am almost there and something gets in the way, that's it. I am just out of luck. I can't get back to the top of the hill.
There is one toy that Sam bought that can sometimes extend my orgasm to the point where I start screaming. It is a small white vibrator with a tiny cup that sucks the clit inside it. That has been mind-blowing for me several times.
Also I will mention a set of videos by a place called the Sinclair Institute. The DVDs were referred to in something you and Frank recommended to us last year. Just can't remember where exactly. They are very dated and we started laughing several times at the mullet haircuts. They are not straight porn but educational videos that demonstrate new techniques and approaches to sex.
Gotta go! Sam's up!
Ella
Lol, Ella! ... Frank has always told me 'wake me up anytime you want something' :>)) I think we also have a Canadian version of your little vibrator ... ours is called "The Satisfyer" and yes, it lives up to it's name.
DeleteRegarding the Sinclair DVD's ... I think there is an old saying that goes something like 'necessity is the mother of invention' ... I think it applies to sex as well :)
Hope you had a good morning with Sam ... happy to be of some inspiration :>) ... hugs! ... nj
I never learned to 'hold back.' Orgasms happen when they happen, but the idea of being denied has been the fodder for my fantasies for years.
ReplyDeleteIt's a rush for sure, PK :>)) ... nj
DeleteGeorgeann Cross in an essay, "Sexual Power for Women" describes orgasm torment where a woman can keep up penile stimulation after an ejaculation. I don't know whether this kind of extreme ecstasy can be given to a woman, too.
ReplyDeleteInteresting that it can work for both genders. I know from reading in several blogs that it definitely works for women ... nj
DeleteFor me, this post is interesting because whenever I’ve come across the phrase ‘orgasm denial’ I’ve thought of it as a negative thing, as in ‘getting there’ but not being allowed to orgasm. I had no inkling that it could lead to more pleasure, or the elusive subspace. I get more satisfying orgasms from manual stimulation and Harry not only enjoys pleasuring me that way but also the control he has there. I don’t think I want to explore a different approach right now but never say never!
ReplyDeleteRosie xx
As history has shown, Rosie, Harry can change his mind about things (wink) ... which I guess is why you wisely say, never say never :>)) ... nj ... xx
DeleteSorry meant to comment earlier. Was thinking on how much I was going to share. For me having an orgasm ( only have really ever had one or two of those ones *I* would deem close to my impact subspace experience) leaves me mentally supersized. LOL...Not exactly where I want my submissive heartset to be. The best solution is for B to reestablish the balance of power right after (odd isn't it?).
ReplyDeleteOrgasm denial, which is so different than a failed orgasm, those are frustrating as hell and one reason I don't have to ask because that is what happens if I do, puts me ironically in a better place. I think it is the power exchange of it all.
willie
Hi Willie ... I've never experienced subspace ... however, good to something to strive for, right :>)) and yes, with orgasm denial, the power exchange/control is the biggest zing of it all ... nj
DeleteMy husband says he enjoys making me orgasm and that it gives him great pleasure to see me react to his touch. He has never asked that I hold back nor have I ever tried. But who knows...maybe someday...
ReplyDeleteHi Terps ... in and of itself, it's awesome that it gives your man pleasure to pleasure you ... the rest is just icing on the cake :>)) ... hugs! ... nj
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