Frustrated ...

Did you know there are 8000 nerves in the clitoral region? ... 

... this and several other interesting fun facts about the clitoris can be found in this article. 

Why do I bring this one little fact to your attention. I am just going to come out and say it ... I am having problems achieving orgasm. 

I am willing. I am eager. Frank is a wonderful lover. Physically, the signs are all there - wetness, heat, swelling, and colour (according to Frank :>)) but for some reason, more often than not, the effing engine will ... not ... start! I am not totally without as I am still able to have orgasms, some of them mind blowing orgasms. However, after having one, I need several days 'rest' before I can have another one. 

I have come up with three possible scenarios as to what I/we might be facing here ... 

Scenario #1 - 

You may have read my previous post about our libido issues (Our FSOG Story) - Frank and I have always contended with mismatched libidos. His is over the top (in my estimation, not his ;>)) and mine, until recently, has almost always been more missing in action than present. In the past, one way of getting me 'interested' was the use of a vibrator to get started which means I have been using a vibrator for a very long time.  I should also point out said vibrators were/are not of the dainty little bullet variety ... the first was a Wahl, followed by Wahl 2, and more recently we acquired a Magic Wand (aka Magic Mike :>)) and a direct clitoris stimulator called a 'The Satisfyer'.

Several months ago, we realized I could no longer come without using a vibrator. I can almost get there through various oral and/or hands on methods. However, as opposed to our previous experience where I used a vibrator to start, the vibrator is now needed to 'finish'. This situation had me researching whether or not long term vibrator use could negatively affect the ability to achieve orgasm. Although references to this issue can be found, there was no conclusive evidence to support my theory, which is ... 

.... I think maybe I have stunned 7500 of those aforementioned 8000 nerves into a comatose stupor through over vibrator use and the remaining 500, although mightily trying to pull the weight of all, are only able to come out to play after they've had several days to rest up .... 

... or maybe it's Scenario #2 ... 

The mismatched libido scenario also meant for very many years Frank often ran somewhat solo. I wouldn't deny him but I would tell him to not always expect me to be along for the ride. Don't get me wrong ... when the timing was right and it  happened for both of us, the sex was great - especially after the kiddos left home and we discovered our D/s kink. However, it just didn't happen all that often for me ... maybe once a week or so.

Also in our FSOG story, I talk about how, in early 2017, I had a sexual revelation that kickstarted my libido and my interest in sex and orgasms ... frequent orgasms, please and thank-you, Sir! That was followed by ttwd early this year - more sex and orgasms, please, Sir - along with spanky times. In the former 3/4 or so of this period, for me, my orgasm rate was three or more times a week. Now, it's down to once, maybe twice a week.

So Scenario #2 has me asking myself whether or not I am returning to my old normal, with the past almost two years experience being somewhat outside the norm. The kinky, erotic books I've been bingeing on for the past 20 months aren't getting my motor humming like they used to. Maybe, that's due to what a good friend of mine has referred to as the law of diminishing returns (she's a math person :>)). My interpretation is more of an ice cream analogy. If you ate your favourite ice cream every day for a year and a half, your body would eventually say ... nuh uh, no more ice cream! Going with the theory that the biggest erogenous zone in a woman's body, is the brain, maybe my brain is telling my body is there aren't as many horny times to be had and as a result, my body has returned to it's 'normal' count of once or twice a week orgasms .... but frustratingly, unlike before, it is with my newly found libido still intact ... the issue is definitely not due to a lack of interest.

... and finally, Scenario #3 ... 

The last scenario is one I really, really do not want to even contemplate, let alone put in writing .... 

... maybe my age (63) is a factor ..... arghhh!!! ... please say it isn't so! Not now, when we are enjoying each other so much!

Frank has been wonderful about it all. I have ended many of our sexy times in tears, crying into his shoulder, saying 'it's broken'. He will often console me by saying it doesn't have to happen every time or pointing out that it doesn't always happen for him either. At other times, he will dip into his bag of tricks, do a restart and turn things around, ending with a grin and a triumphant ... 'and now it's fixed!'. However lately, even those tricks aren't working. Giving me sufficient rest time in between orgasms seems to be the only thing that works. 

It's all very frustrating .... 

... chime in if you feel so moved ... I have a feeling I may not be the only one rowing this boat ...

💞

thanks for dropping by ... nj