Monday, 14 May 2018

Our FSoG Story

Many of us here have one ... a 50 Shades story. Now seemed like a good time for me to share ours ... but first I'd like to introduce you to an odd couple who've been in our lives for very many years. They will drop in from time to time in future posts, as well as this one, so a proper introduction is needed ...

Meet the Libidos ... 

Up until a few years ago, Frank and I really only fought about one thing in our many years together and that was sex ... kind of ironic, eh, considering where we are now ... 

The reason? ... mismatched libidos ... as in opposite ends of the scale. I like to think of our libidos as a little Italian couple (my apologies to any of you with Italian heritage ;)) ... Luigi is loud, proud and over the top. Lola is a princess, who only comes out to play when everything is just the way she wants it. 

Mr & Mrs Libido

When we were first together the Libidos were pretty well matched ... as in over the top ... like rabbits, over the top.

However, as time went on my Lola could be found in the corner, yawning and filing her nails. 

There wasn't any good reason for the change, other than the desire (but not the love) dwindled. On the other hand, Frank's Luigi continued to be present and demanding .... Frank's sexuality has always been a huge part of his personality - or at least, the personality he presents to me :>)). When he was on the prowl (pursuing me ;)), he was funny, witty and charming ... denied, he'd turn into a silent sam. He would be handsy and I would be dodging and it lead to big fights. We almost split up over it early in our marriage, but we knew we still loved each other so we sought counselling. Over time, we managed to find a happy medium .... but it was still wasn't ideal. 

On with the story ... 

There were a couple of things we did to help Ms Libido deign us with her appearance ... erotica, and me finding time and place to relax and turn off the noise in my head re kids, work, school, house, family, etc, in order to read said erotica. The bathtub became the go to place .... "go have a bath and read" or "I'm going to have a bath and read" became our signal for some shared sexy time. 

In addition, we got a good vibrator ... not a toy ... a good Wahl version with power (and after it died, there was Wahl II ... and now we have the intrepid Vibratex Magic Wand ... rechargeable, no cords, woohoo! ;)) ... if the erotica didn't get Lola entirely out of her hidey hole, the vibrator did. 

In the intervening years, after the departure of our kids from the nest and the advent of our D/s dynamic, our sex life got much more spontaneous, our fighting over the frequency of it, much less, but still some type of brain gym was almost always required to get Lola's attention.

Fast forward to ~2012 ... my everyday reading material for many years was crime/mystery fiction and contemporary novels but somewhere along the line I read 50 Shades of Grey ... probably because everyone was talking about it so much I had to see what all the fuss was. I liked the series just fine. My normal erotic reading material was was a little more hard core so it was kind of nice to read a BDSM themed book with a romantic bent. I do remember it lit a bit of a spark in Mrs L as well.

In early 2017, I found myself deep in SADS season ... a total funk. I wasn't doing much except the bare necessities and reading. When I ran out of reading material and couldn't find any new mystery writers to follow I went back into my ebook archives to see what might interest me as a reread and thus retrieved the 50 Shades series. 

Again it was enjoyable read. However, I also remembered that many of the erotica writers I was reading after my first FSoG read, had panned the series ... their criticism levelled at both the writing and the way BDSM was portrayed (if you wish to read a dissection of the FSOG series by someone long in the BDSM community, there is an interesting series of posts written on the History of BDSM blog here). So I got to thinking ... if this wasn't considered to be all that great, what was? I changed my Goodreads Listopia 'best crime mystery' query to 'best erotic romance' and jeezus!, jumping!, hell! .... who knew!!? 

My first thought was, this list of books sure doesn't look anything like my mother's stack of Harlequin romance novels I burned my brain with, at the beach, many, many summers ago (and possibly the reason I wasn't a romance genre fan). And before I knew it, that was that .... I was in over my head reading every erotic romance of every related sub genre I could find and I am still at it a year and a bit and a couple hundred books later. Yikes! ... Frank has given up counting the number of book purchases on the credit card bill. 

Very quickly, after my initial new reads (I started with the Sylvia Day Crossfire series, then moved onto Christina Lauren's Beautiful series), Lola Libido emerged, fully prepared for lust and love!

For the first few weeks of my erotic romance overload, I was so continuously turned on I felt like I was wandering around in a sexual fugue ... I was sending Frank schmexy emails, tackling him in the bedroom and other places, dropping to my knees for impromptu bj's and always wanting to feel close and connected to him. He actually at one point, really did utter that old phrase ... 'who are you and what did you do with my wife?!'

As I continued to plow through books, I came to the realization that the closeness I was developing with Frank was about something more than an increase in sexual attraction. The MC's in these books supposedly represent, to what I imagine are mostly female readers, our most desired male characteristics. I began to realize, with Frank, I could tick off many of those idealized man boxes ... and as such I began to see him in an entirely different light. 

So there you have it ... 'tis the reason our new ttwd/DD path is a bit boring, snoring, with no big drama to report ... our entire relationship dynamic significantly shifted last year and it happened prior to the discovery of ttwd/DD. As you can see, FSoG was a big factor in that wonderful shift ... AND ... since I found DD for the first time in an erotic romance novel and then brought it to Frank, it is also the reason we are now on the ttwd/DD path.

PS ... there is a coda to this tale ... I'll fill you in with the next post ...

Thanks for dropping by ... nj


  1. Interesting post, NoraJean! Storm and I actually read all the 50 shades books together (on separate nooks) and discussed. ;) I loved them. I still hate Elena. lol I loved the Crossfire Series!!!! And the Beautiful B & B as well. I haven't read for a while, but might pick that back up. I am on goodreads as well. I wonder if I've ever run across your erotica/kinky books list! LOL! Looking forward to the coda and I learned a new word !!

    1. Hi Windy ... There are many book lists on Goodreads but unfortunately none of them are mine :). I like the Goodreads 'Listopia' option where you can find and view lists readers have set up for various shared collections. Unfortunately you can only get to Listopia from a browser. It's not on their mobile app. To find the list I refer to in my post, Google 'goodreads listopia best erotic romance' ... and enjoy! :)) ... nj ... xx

    2. Yes, I use their listopia as well and I don't have my own list either. We'll have to talk other favorite books then via e-mail sometime soon! Thanks!

  2. Hi Nora Jean. I am book mad, and read nonstop. If you haven't tried any you have to read Cherise Sinclair's Shadowlands series and Ashe Barker's trilogies. You will love them.....
    love Jan, xx

    1. I'm exactly like you Jan. I am often reading while Frank watches TV ;) ... books mostly but now blogs as well. If I had my way, I'd read all my waking hours :)) My Gram, who I was very close to growing up, was the local librarian. I think she had a big influence re my love of books.

      Yes, I've read and enjoyed many of the Shadowland series and I have a couple of Ashe Barker's books on my tbr (to be read) list.
      nj ... xx

  3. Hi Nora Jean, interesting post, I enjoyed reading this and learning about how you and Frank discovered ttwd and d/d.

    I read the 50 Shades books and enjoyed them. I read some of the juicier excerpts to Rick too lol. I also read the Crossfire series and loved them.


    1. Hi Roz ... I tried reading excerpts to Frank when I first started reading the books and then I tried to get him to listen to an audio version but both just put him to sleep ... so I gave up ;)) I did slip some of the sexier bits and bites into the occasional email. That got his attention ;)) ... nj .. xx

  4. FSoG didn't kick us off - finding blogs did created that amazing sexual turnaround for us. And it was an amazing turnaround!! But I enjoyed the books, they were fun and help the non-blogging world open it's mind to some interesting possibilities. There are more good books than you can shake a stick at - but I hope you'll give Cassie and then Cal and Jenny a try too.

    1. I remember reading back in your blog, PK, where you said pre blogs and ttwd, you weren't much interested in sex either. Sex, for me and I think many other women, is definitely a head space thing. I was reading a blog the other day where the blogger's man told her her most biggest erogenous zone was her brain ... exactly!

      Realizing just how many authors there are in ttwd blogland, I am trying my best to spread the reading love among you all ... I have read a few of the Cassie books (she's such a great character and don't we all want a Tom ;)) ... and the first of the Cal and Jenny series. The next two are on my tbr ... nj ... xx

  5. NJ,
    There is nothing quite like ttwd to jazz up long marriages. We found the same fireworks we enjoyed when we were just married. Hooray! I agree with PK. First we found the blogs and then we found the great reading within our own right here. Cassie is a wonderful example of an older woman who lives in a ttwd world. Sunny Girl Leigh writes of the stories of the best cowboys on God's green earth. What's not to love?

    1. Hi Meredith ... ttwd has certainly has added more pizzazz to our marriage ... just when we thought it couldn't get any better ;))

      And yes, I am aware we have several great authors here in ttwd blogland ... see my comment back to PK et al. ... nj ... xx

  6. Loved reading this background of the you and your Frank. As we share our important thoughts and feel free to do so, I think we become more three dimensional to our readers. We can identify with parts of what you share about yourself. That makes you a woman I would like to know better.

    I love the characters in the books I devour, but they are not going to my friends.

    Hugs From Ella

    1. Hi Ella ... happy to hear you enjoyed the post. I still twist and turn over what to write and I'm never sure, before I let it fly, how a post is going to be received. On the other hand, I also tell myself, this is MY blog so I am the only one to whom it should matter ... but still ... great angst ;)) ... all of which means, your words here matter a great deal to me ... nj ... xx

  7. Interesting post, I enjoyed reading it. PK's right, lot found the blogs before the books. Personally I haven't read any of the FSoG books. Some of the books I love reading are by my friends here in blogland, PK (Cassie is a favourite of mine), SG and Jaye Peaches to name a few.


    1. Hi Ronnie ... I see you have a couple of books published as well ... which are also on my tbr list. And yes, per my comment back to PK, her Cassie is a great character.

      You or someone will need to enlighten me re Jaye as I'm not sure who that is (it's getting so I need a cheat sheet to match blog names and corresponding author nom de plumes ;))
      ... nj ... xx

  8. Wonderful post. No matter the writing,EL James certainly enhanced marriages all across the spectrum.

    1. She sure did, Leigh. Overall, I think she paved the way for an increase in readership and authorship for the Romance genre. Our public radio, CBC, had a segment about just that, the other morning.
      I'm glad you enjoyed the post ... nj

  9. Interesting post nj. I read the FSOG books, despite the dire writing, but Harry was the one who was influenced by the hoo-hah surrounding them. His mind was opened to the idea that spanking could be fun, 43 years after I first asked and he refused. We’ve come a long way in the last five years!
    Thanks for sharing the background to your story.
    Rosie xx

  10. You and Harry were some of the people in my thoughts when I wrote the post. I think Harry is the only guy who was influenced by FSoG ... or at least the only one who admits to it 😉
    Your story is a pretty amazing! ... nj

  11. Hi Nora Jean, :) This was a very fun post to read! I loved learning about how FSOG, and then searching for, and reading other similar books changed your marriage! LOL about the "who are you, and what did you do with my wife?" Those words ring a bell over here, for sure.

    With so very much going on when raising a family with youngsters, and the juggling life, by the end of the day it is simply hard to give more. Exhaustion is a good part lower libido at that time. Then it gets easy to fall into a pattern? Do you ever wonder what life would have looked like, if you knew then, what you know now? I think about that sometimes. I usually come round to the fact that perhaps going through that time, was an important part of the journey. Perhaps maturation and experience add to that as well? interesting to think about.

    I too have read many of the same books as you, and enjoyed them all very much! What to read after FSOG comes to mind! I LOVE the Shadowlands series. A link on Cherise Sinclair's website took me to a Dd couple's website. It was after that, that I typed in the word "spanking", and landed in Blogland. The rest is history. Like you and your Frank, our lives have changed so incredibly! I am forever grateful! Thank you for sharing your story, and your Goodreads info too! Many hugs,

    ❤️Katie xoxo

    1. So good to hear from you, Katie! I hope all is well with you and Rob.

      You ask a very good question ... the question and the answer could be a blog post unto it's own (hint, hint :>)) Frank will occasionally comment that he wishes we had this type of relationship (the prior one from last year and ttwd) when we were young, good-looking and fit :>)). I don't agree ... I'm not a looking back kind of person. You are the sum of your experiences, is my philosophy. We would not have the same relationship as we have now because we were different people. I love who we are now and what we have now ... everything happens when it should!

      Having said that ... I send big kudos out to the young folks who are walking the ttwd walk. I imagine it very tough to balance all the activities it takes to raise a young family and to maintain this lifestyle ... or maybe it makes it easier for them having their roles and responsibilities clearly defined ... again a good blog discussion could be had :>)

      Big Hugs! ... nj ... xx

  12. What an wonderful post to read! So many things ring true for me in your writing. I have always been a reader, enjoying many books on a regular basis. Since discovering ttwd, the blogs etc., I continue to read but not the normal stuff it used to be. I am stuck in this perpetual cycle of reading only the delicious, non-vanilla, spanking literature(?) and honestly it’s been years now! I can’t seem to move on from it! Lol!
    I think many people have 50 Shades to thank for helping to make their lives more complete. Thanks for sharing your story!

  13. Thanks, Laurel ... I'm happy to hear you enjoyed the post!

    I know what you mean about the books ... I haven't touched a crime mystery novel since 2016. I've now got over 250 books on my Goodreads to be read list ... I think I'm going to be set for awhile ;)) ... nj