The title of this post is written as such since it reminds me of the old children's song called 'Michael Finnegan' ... when I read PK's post and associated comments from earlier this week, I was reminded as to how many others in ttwd Blogland have done the rinse and repeat cycle over and over. So yes, here we are 10 months into the ttwd world and we've decided to go back to the beginning ... to DD basics.
However, first a preface to the two part, two post main story ...
The Stool
To a man such as mine, one who is without a prostate (or, as we've come to realize lately, the same might apply to men in general who are in Frank's age bracket), oral sex for him, is pretty much a necessary part of our sex life. He very rarely gets spontaneous erections and if he does, they don't last long. Yes, there are medications for that but every med he's tried has side effects, which over time, he has come to realize are more hassle than they are worth. So oral sex it is ... at the very least as foreplay.
As a dominant man, he loves the idea of me dropping to my knees in front of him to service him. However, for a couple of reasons, in practical terms it isn't such a great idea. In the flexibility department, my feet and my hips are not so great. The knees themselves are ok but as a tallish woman, if I kneel up, my chin hits his belly button. And with joint stiffness, kneeling back on my haunches isn't sustainable for more than a couple of minutes. So, we have a stool ... a perfect little stool we keep in the bathroom that has been in the family for years; a stool that puts me right in the perfect position for taking care of business ... his business.
Part One ...
I had been a bit snippy and snarky and Frank had noticed so he initiated a still in bed, morning 'chat'. I had a hard time trying to explain what was going on because I'm not sure I even knew what it was or as we talked more over the coming days, it became evident it was more an accumulation of several things.
One is the familiar refrain you've heard here before ... It gets back to where, to me, everything DD-like ends up being foreplay ... mostly because my man is a big ol' spanko ... when he spanks me it turns him on - so when we're (what feels to me), half way through a what I think is a DD spanking, all of a sudden he's on to bigger and better things. Then I end up feeling it's all about the sex and not about the lifestyle dynamic. This was my first explanation to him.
The second is it's late fall, heading into winter ... it's miserable outside. Frank doesn't have any outdoor projects to keep him busy except one that requires very little of his time (but hopefully more after the holidays), so it seems to me that I've become his 'entertainment' ... he's handsy and flirty and his sex demands are frequent ... none of that a bad thing, but geez, sometimes it's "give me a break!"
Later that morning, after our discussion, we're up and about, when he comes in for a hug, puts his hands down the back of my pants to fondle my bum and then starts steering me towards the bathroom ...
"I want you to suck my cock" ... he's grinning and backing me up through the door to the bathroom and 'the stool' ...
I'm going along with it and sit down. He leans up against the vanity and I scoot me and the stool up to him. As I unbuckle his belt and open the button to his jeans, I look up and I remind him our discussion ...
"See ... we've just had a discussion and here we are again ... like I said ... it's all about the sex"
"This isn't about sex", he replies ...
I unzip him and take him out, holding his cock in my hand ...
"Really ... and how is this (holding it up to make my point) not about sex" ...
"Wellll, Bill Clinton says it's not sex and he's a President so he should know" ...
... at which point I nearly fell off the stool laughing ... and yes, he got his foreplay blow job and the sex that followed ...
.... Part II to follow ... shortly, I hope 😊 ...
... nj 💞
NJ,
ReplyDeleteWell, I am relieved to hear that Frank did not quote our current president!
If it makes you feel any better, almost all spanking here leads to blow jobs for Storm. Men are visual, you know this, so if our bare naked bums are staring them in the face (don't forget that they can see ALL the lady bits as well), then it is a natural response for them to want some sexual attention.
Here is something to think about ...... go ahead and let Frank spank the way he wants, then blow him...... After he is satisfied, THEN go back to the spanking immediately. It's too soon for him to get turned on again, and then perhaps he can make it feel more like the dd part that you seem to be craving. ??? Looking forward to part II.
Now, please get your cute little ass over to my blog and comment on my post already! Otherwise I am going dark! HAHAHAHAHA Hugs! Windy
Ahhh, I see ... you're suggesting a Frank sandwich as the solution ... good for Frank (he thinks its a great idea!) ... not so good for me ... LOL! ... hugs! ... nj
DeleteWow - do I understand this! We've had the 'is sex the only reason?' talk more than once. Nick is near retirement and I told him he has to tell me three things he wants to do when he retires and one of those things can not be me!
ReplyDeleteWe're at a reviewing and talking about what we each want point again. May we all come up with ways to keep us moving forward.
I hate to break it to you, kiddo, but when Nick retires, you will be one of the things he's doing more often ... haha! ... it goes with the territory ... no big reason to get out of the bed in the morning just leads to more fun :>))
DeleteIn all seriousness, I hope you two are able to get to a new and improved version of ttwd that works for you both. ... nj ... xx
LOL...well at least you 'followed' despite your initial inner monologue so good for you!
ReplyDeleteWhen we first started the Dd portion of ttwd often it seemed my spankings ended earlier then at least I required. Not entirely the same thing as feeling that Dd is all about sex, but maybe this will help. After much discussion B stopped having sex right after spanking ( didn't mean we didn't have it within the hour or so). This phase only lasted 2 weeks, BUT it did really help. He saw different results with his spankings and I didn't feel he was rushing through to get to stage 2.
Mind you at the time B was in his late 40s and didn't have the issues you have described that Frank currently does, so I am unsure how that would affect your dynamic. Perhaps he could have you stand somewhere and admire you for a while and then proceed to the next step, his erection sort of 'waiting' LOL
Ttwd takes so much revamping, don't fret. I remember an blogger who is no longer around telling me that it takes about 2-3 years before it feels more settled ( we were about 8 months in at the time and it thought- I'm never going to make it...LOL). Turns out she was right, except after the 3 year mark B started to change and have very distinct needs-so we had to revamp again! LOL. The way I look at it if you are still at least talking about ttwd you are moving. You might not feel like it but spinning ones wheels is still not sliding backward!
willie
Thanks, Willie, for all your thoughts and suggestions. It is something we have dealt with our entire life together ... a mismatch in the libido/desire department. I am thinking this is just our ttwd version of an old issue - except now we are in a much better position to deal with it. We will continue to discuss and find our way ... it would be nice to think that 2-3 years in we might be 'more settled' :>)) ... nj
DeleteNJ, for us there have always been two distinct types of spankings, and Sam doesn't mix them up. At least as far as I can remember.
ReplyDeleteThe first and more pleasant sort of spanking usually happens sweetly. Sam calls it a "Just Because" spanking. Just because I love you. This type is longer with a lot of rubbing and exploring. It is the spanking that can lead to sex. It happens much more often.
In our dynamic the other type of spanking is more serious. It comes after I have gotten myself in a snit or even angry. (I did this last night over another delay in the damn carpet installation!) When I bulldoze over what he is saying. When I get lazy about carrying my phone. When I get bossy or impatient. There are other things, but that's enough for now.
This spanking is much harder, usually with a paddle, and the idea is to bring me back to center. To let him take the lead. To douse the temper. To focus on what's good for us as a couple. No sex with this one, just some hugs and reconnecting. I think he means this type of spanking to result in a change.
This works for us, but EVERY couple makes ttwd their own. Keep talking with Frank about what you need. And suggest he find another hobby!!!!
Hugs From Ella
Thanks, Ella, for your explanation as to how it works for you and Sam. When we started out most of what we did was of the JFF (just for fun) version. Disciplinary scenarios don't occur too often for us ... we have been continuing to talk - and Frank has read all comments with interest as well ... including your 'get a new hobby' suggestion ... LOL :>)) ... Hugs! ... nj
Deletewe almost always have the sexy spanking followed by sex / playtime. But when there is a need for it, we have the 'serious' kind too - to reconnect, to re-focus and regroup, and to get back our balance. These usually don't end up in sex. Altho sometimes there is talking and cuddling and hugging and once we've ascertained that we're both feeling back on track, well, sex could follow AFTER. but WAAAAY after - n not as a direct result of the spanking.
ReplyDeletei guess like Ella says, every couple has their own way of working through the sexy vs serious spankings.. i'm sure you'll find yours too :)
Thanks, Fondles ... your 'serious' kind of scenario sort of sounds like what I've also heard described as 'maintenance' or 'role affirmation', something we haven't really explored and maybe we should ... nj
DeleteNora Jean,
ReplyDeleteElla is so right ..... We all say it. Each couple must revisit ttwd ways and that is where you and Frank are ..... again. It does sort itself out because you love deeply one another. I am rooting for the two of you.
Meredith
Thanks, Meredith ... I appreciate your encouragement and support. I am sure we will sort it out ... I just wish we could have a longer spell of 'smooth sailing' :>)) ... nj ... xx
DeleteOver here spankings turn my Scotsman on BIGTIME! Sometimes, I too, am in the just getting settled zone.... he is Definitely ready for MORE!
ReplyDeleteThose times are always longer more planned spankings. My guy does quick spankings with a different force when he wants to make a point. Usually it’s my cheekiness, which is often my bossiness as well! He always brings me around to a different mood and I’m usually laughing some as well!
I think we evolve and devolve throughout our adventure in this dynamic. Everyone seems to have these questions about DD and TTWD.
Glad you guys are doing what works for both of you!
You got me thinking!
Hi Minelle ... you and your Scotsman sound like you just have too much fun! :>) ... serious spanking or not ... I wish you had more time to post ... I would love to hear more :>)) ... nj ... xx
DeleteI love that you continue to find ways of trying to make this work. You’ve already seen the benefits and it’s definitely worth having.
ReplyDeleteWe are constantly talking about it, checking in, and at times making changes to it, it seems to be the nature of the beast! Keep at it!
Hi Laurel ... thank you so much for the encouragement! It is good to know (or maybe not so good to know it never ends :>)) everyone seems to go through the same questioning, reviewing and adjusting cycles ... nj ... xx
DeleteHi NJ,
ReplyDeleteI love that you and Frank talk and revisit your ttwd, what's working, and what isn't working so well. It does seem to be constantly evolving.
Spankings feeling like solely a prelude to sex is something many of us have faced. We want the show of Dominance and to be held accountable at times without sex following.
Hugs
Roz
Thank you, Roz ... like I commented back earlier ... a nice long period of everything running smoothly would be good ... sometimes it seems like so much work :>)) but we will persevere! ... the benefits vastly outweigh the pain :>) ... nj ... xx
DeleteHi Nora Jean, :) I enjoyed reading your post. You know, sounds like you and Frank are working it just right. The truth of the matter is that a spanking, even a disciplined one, can be a huge turn on for our fellas. I read about that early on in my lurking. I wasn't surprised when Rob had those kinds of feelings. I told him about that being ok. So the question is, can you separate the sex from the spanking?
ReplyDeleteI can only speak from experience at our place. In general, if there is real angst, which is really pretty rare around here, then it is easily done. If it is more sassy kind of behavior, maybe not so much. I do find that our trips down to the spanky room, lead to much less of that. Upstairs- it is easy to go in that direction I think. I have no good advice to offer, I'm afraid. Frank is a lucky guy! ;) Keep on talking, you will find your way together. Many hugs,
❤️Katie xoxo
Hi Katie ... yes, the real angst is pretty rare around here as well. Sassy doesn't get me in too much trouble but snarky and snippy will. Your trips to the spanky room sounds similar to what Fondles described earlier ... a preventative or centring type spanking.
DeleteThank you for your thoughts ... we will continue to talk - and talk some more :>)) ... nj ... xx
This is a tricky one, Nora Jean. There’s no getting away from it, the dominance inherent in a spanking is a powerful aphrodisiac for both parties. When Harry started spanking me it was all about sex. You know how that played out! For a time, the only difference between fun and discipline was the more serious tone but, eventually, I felt the need to separate the two. A few years further on, the lines have blurred again and ttwd evolves along with our changing needs.
ReplyDeleteThe two of you communicate so well, you’ll find out what works for you both. The good thing is that you’re still having fun along the way.
Rosie xx
Thanks, Rosie, for your perspective. Continuous evolution of the dynamic seems to be the theme of the day. It is good to know that everyone who commented here has been through the same.
DeleteWe do love what ttwd gives us so there is no way to go but forward :>) .. and yes, we do have a lot of laughs and thoroughly enjoy being with each other ... nj ... xx
Truly every relationship is different and how this dynamic works for one may not work for another and it is an evolving process. For us spanking has always been a prelude to sex or the occasional flirtation, and not very often at that as sleep usually wins over love making. :-) I have accepted this; however, I do sometimes fantasize and wish for more. Maybe someday when we retire our dynamic will evolve. But for now, this is our reality. Thank-you for sharing your story and I look forward to reading part II. I hope you both find what you are looking for. Hugs
ReplyDeleteHi Terps ... I can well imagine a spanking life would be difficult to maintain with littles underfoot and I also remember the "I just want to sleep days" ... yes, life will enter another chapter when you become empty nesters and then again, when you retire.
DeleteThank you for your thoughts and always for your Thursdays :>)) ... hugs ...nj
I'm pretty sure that your intent was not to leave me with the Michael Finnegan song stuck in my head (Begin-again!) ALL day long - was it? <3
ReplyDeletehahaha! ... sorry, it was not my intention to leave you with an ear worm :>)) ... nj ... xx
DeleteI love your openness NJ. We men need to hear from our ladies what you like....and don't like.
ReplyDeleteSpanking is a turn on but it doesn't have to be followed by sex every time or else he'll just be thinking up excuses to spank you.
Maybe you should try spanking him once in a while just to make a point?
Hi Glenmore ... he never needs an excuse to spank :>)) ... we have tried turning the tables once or twice in the past ... not with spanking but with D/s roles ... didn't work for either of us.
DeleteThanks for dropping by. It's always great to hear from 'one of the guys' :>)) ... nj