So we begin-again ... Part II

To anyone who remembers there was supposed to be Part II, this is a newly revised version of the promised second half of the November post ... So we begin-again ... It's been so long since I wrote Part I, I had to refresh my memory as to what it was all about ... LOL!

The original intention of the post was to give an update on where we were in our ttwd relationship as we neared the end of 2018. Now, as I come to actually write this a few weeks later, we are at our one year mark of living a ttwd life. I don't remember the exact date of my initial DD discoveries or the shortly thereafter sharing with Frank and his agreement to give it a go. I do know it was roughly second week of January 2018. My first blog post was the first week of Feb, a month later. 

Pre Christmas, prior to the Part 1 post, and then again post Christmas craziness, we've had several discussions, the end result of which was this conclusion ... our 'bedroom only D/s' continues to work for us as it has for very many years - after 20 yrs we naturally fall into those roles when it comes to our sex life - however, we had let the DD side of our ttwd lapse. The 'experiment' we set in play when adopting the DD lifestyle (using DD to bring our 'bedroom only D/s'  dynamic into our everyday life), maybe worked a little too well. We both felt this might be the source of my feeling that our ttwd always seemed to be about sex. 

So what does back to DD basics look like for us ... we aren't making any new 'rules' (or expectations as we called them originally) ... just going back to making sure the ones we agreed to, are met ... with consequences if they aren't. When we first set out we didn't have blogland to learn from. We started our discovery at the ADDS website. It was fun this past week to pull this document out from it's secret hiding place and have a revisit ... this is the 'rules list' we started with - so formal :>)) ... through the ADDS website, I found  ttwd Blogland and once there, we realized there were very many variations of ttwd and we could make it all our own ...

Generally our expectations are all about how I procrastinate, run out of time in my day and then get frustrated when I feel like I have too much to do. All that leads to a grumpy, snarky, snappy me. Plus Frank is a time managing man and it drives him nuts when I don't get going with my day and lay about reading, on the computer, etc or when I don't focus on a task and get to doing five things left unfinished instead of one thing completely.

And regarding the consequences ... consistency had also become an issue. Frank really is a sweetheart and I am pretty good at working him to get what I want ... or maybe in the ttwd world, it's more about what I don't want (remember ... we've concluded he's definitely a spanko spanker ... but I'm not a true spanko spankee :>)). Frank also 'forgets' my indiscretions if they aren't dealt with in the here and now - so the practice of accumulating demerits was lost on him - or maybe on both of us ... we've had some pretty funny moments where neither of us could remember what it was all about when it came to spanking time :>)). And yes, spanko or not, missed consequences, mess with my mind ... my submissive mind.  Frank has agreed his focus going forward will be on consistency. We've also added an in bed, end of day cuddle and check in, where it will be my responsibility to report any discrepancies and he in turn, will decide if it's something to be dealt with then or the next morning.

If you are like us and have been with your partner for a long time, you'll know you've been through several phases during your relationship. If you look online, you'll find various descriptions of these relationship phases (marital or otherwise) ... but generally they are:

.... The falling in love or honeymoon phase where all those hormones of lust and love go crazy and you can't keep your hands off each other

.... The bonding or becoming a couple phase where we get down to the business of building what we believe will be a lasting partnership ... making our house a home, having children, supporting each other ...

.... The disillusionment phase is where it can and does fall apart for many couples ... all the little irritants become big ones; kids and jobs and the stress of living life get in the way of your love. However, sticking it through and working it out means you can ...

.... Move into the last stage of creating a long, lasting love ...

 .... I had a bit of an ahha moment the past week when I suddenly realized these same relationship phases could apply to a ttwd lifestyle ... our last year has definitely been the Honeymoon phase ... exciting, exhilarating and passionate. However, after that ahha moment, I also came to the realization that our Honeymoon Phase is pretty much over ... sigh! 

... it's not a bad thing ... but that realization provided some clarification for me as to why our ttwd life feels so different these days ...  we've now moved into that second phase, where our focus will be on figuring out how to continue to build a strong ttwd foundation that will last. 

Thanks for dropping by! ... nj