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Friday 11 January 2019

So we begin-again ... Part II

To anyone who remembers there was supposed to be Part II, this is a newly revised version of the promised second half of the November post ... So we begin-again ... It's been so long since I wrote Part I, I had to refresh my memory as to what it was all about ... LOL!

The original intention of the post was to give an update on where we were in our ttwd relationship as we neared the end of 2018. Now, as I come to actually write this a few weeks later, we are at our one year mark of living a ttwd life. I don't remember the exact date of my initial DD discoveries or the shortly thereafter sharing with Frank and his agreement to give it a go. I do know it was roughly second week of January 2018. My first blog post was the first week of Feb, a month later. 



Pre Christmas, prior to the Part 1 post, and then again post Christmas craziness, we've had several discussions, the end result of which was this conclusion ... our 'bedroom only D/s' continues to work for us as it has for very many years - after 20 yrs we naturally fall into those roles when it comes to our sex life - however, we had let the DD side of our ttwd lapse. The 'experiment' we set in play when adopting the DD lifestyle (using DD to bring our 'bedroom only D/s'  dynamic into our everyday life), maybe worked a little too well. We both felt this might be the source of my feeling that our ttwd always seemed to be about sex. 

So what does back to DD basics look like for us ... we aren't making any new 'rules' (or expectations as we called them originally) ... just going back to making sure the ones we agreed to, are met ... with consequences if they aren't. When we first set out we didn't have blogland to learn from. We started our discovery at the ADDS website. It was fun this past week to pull this document out from it's secret hiding place and have a revisit ... this is the 'rules list' we started with - so formal :>)) ... through the ADDS website, I found  ttwd Blogland and once there, we realized there were very many variations of ttwd and we could make it all our own ...


Generally our expectations are all about how I procrastinate, run out of time in my day and then get frustrated when I feel like I have too much to do. All that leads to a grumpy, snarky, snappy me. Plus Frank is a time managing man and it drives him nuts when I don't get going with my day and lay about reading, on the computer, etc or when I don't focus on a task and get to doing five things left unfinished instead of one thing completely.

And regarding the consequences ... consistency had also become an issue. Frank really is a sweetheart and I am pretty good at working him to get what I want ... or maybe in the ttwd world, it's more about what I don't want (remember ... we've concluded he's definitely a spanko spanker ... but I'm not a true spanko spankee :>)). Frank also 'forgets' my indiscretions if they aren't dealt with in the here and now - so the practice of accumulating demerits was lost on him - or maybe on both of us ... we've had some pretty funny moments where neither of us could remember what it was all about when it came to spanking time :>)). And yes, spanko or not, missed consequences, mess with my mind ... my submissive mind.  Frank has agreed his focus going forward will be on consistency. We've also added an in bed, end of day cuddle and check in, where it will be my responsibility to report any discrepancies and he in turn, will decide if it's something to be dealt with then or the next morning.




If you are like us and have been with your partner for a long time, you'll know you've been through several phases during your relationship. If you look online, you'll find various descriptions of these relationship phases (marital or otherwise) ... but generally they are:

.... The falling in love or honeymoon phase where all those hormones of lust and love go crazy and you can't keep your hands off each other

.... The bonding or becoming a couple phase where we get down to the business of building what we believe will be a lasting partnership ... making our house a home, having children, supporting each other ...

.... The disillusionment phase is where it can and does fall apart for many couples ... all the little irritants become big ones; kids and jobs and the stress of living life get in the way of your love. However, sticking it through and working it out means you can ...

.... Move into the last stage of creating a long, lasting love ...

 .... I had a bit of an ahha moment the past week when I suddenly realized these same relationship phases could apply to a ttwd lifestyle ... our last year has definitely been the Honeymoon phase ... exciting, exhilarating and passionate. However, after that ahha moment, I also came to the realization that our Honeymoon Phase is pretty much over ... sigh! 




... it's not a bad thing ... but that realization provided some clarification for me as to why our ttwd life feels so different these days ...  we've now moved into that second phase, where our focus will be on figuring out how to continue to build a strong ttwd foundation that will last. 



Thanks for dropping by! ... nj 

27 comments:

  1. That is a great follow up. I never looked up relationship cycles and find it fascinating to see the analogy with DD TTWD.

    Boo

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    1. Thank Boo … yes, I am sure we could look at ttwd through many relationship lenses. It’s still a fascinating world to us, only having learned about it last year. … nj … xx

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  2. Nora Jean,
    If I have learned anyting participating in ttwd, it is that ttwd is always, always, always evolving and changing. I like that. You and Frank have discovered that and you know well that things will change again. Great post!
    Meredith

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    1. Thank you and you are right, Meredith … it’s a lifestyle that needs to and does, evolve and change. It’s a travel day for us today … a good day for ttwd car conversations :>)) … nj … xx

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  3. This was timely for me, NJ. So much has happened in our lives the last few months, that I think ttwd felt a little stale. We, too, have spent some time to renew the relationship in the last several weeks, and it feels very right. My bottom feels a little sore, but the connection is stronger.

    Loved this post, my friend,
    Ella

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    1. Happy for you both, Ella … you deserve a little renewal time and I’m glad Sam is making sure you know he is there for you … and your bum :>)) … nj … xx

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  4. I can so so relate. We are not exactly beginning again but we are definitely recommitting - not just to the spanking part but to the mutual respect, communication, taking care of each other parts.

    Sounds like you two have really got a strong connection and understanding of one another. How wonderful!

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    1. Thanks for dropping by, Deena … and for your kind words. It was good to to hear there are others in renewal mode as well … nj … xx

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  5. It sounds like you’re both rolling with the punches so to speak, and it’s so important to be able to do that. We’ve been at this a while now and it seems to change at different times, for different reasons. It can sometimes be stressful but I know it’s always there even if only in the background at times.
    Your back to basics approach is a good one, keeping things simple is best. What has surprised me over time is that although the honeymoon is long gone I so often find myself falling in love with my guy over and over again. Watching ttwd unfold, and feeling the growth has made us better.
    Thanks for the update, things sound really positive. :)

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    1. Hi Laurel … it’s good to hear that you and others also experience this cycle of continuing change and renewal. I can’t ever see us going back to not having ttwd so we will always need to find a way to move forward. Yes, I understand how you would feel the renewal of falling in love as well … we’re still working through some bumps but yes, things are positive again :>)) … nj … xx

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  6. I enjoyed reading this :)

    Sir Steve and I don't have a DD relationship -- more D/s -- but the stages are the same ..... and we have slipped out of the honeymoon stage and are moving on to a more stable -- long lasting relationship.

    Here's to moving forward and building something strong and lasting

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    1. Hi Morningstar … yes, I recall from some of your previous posts that you and SS were finding your way to a lasting relationship … I think at the time you were worried you were going to end up on Vanilla Road (using our friend Windy’s ice cream analogies :>)) … however, I am guessing you are right where you want to be, whatever name you choose to give it … nj … xx

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  7. Hi Nora Jean, :) I loved Mr. BB spanker's site back in the day! He was so helpful. Looks like it has been inactive for some time?

    I can relate in so many ways, to what you have written about! Organization/Going in a million different directions/getting sidetracked (just call me ZigZag- HA), and then stressing because I have to get something done, and am not ready, is a big thing for me. The whiteboard comes in handy here, as you know. Have you ever announced that you were going to shower, but then your attention focused on something while on your way, and had your hubby ask "how is that shower coming along"? That's me. With four kids, I used to be ultra organized. Not so much any more! Ttwd helps with that a great deal, doesn't it?

    Loved your relationship stages. I so agree with you. Like anything, even this can get old at times. For instance, the daily spanking things downstairs with the spatula got that way for me. Good to change things up now and then. Like everything that is good and fulfilling, it takes work on both sides. Even ttwd! Good for you for noting it! I'm sure that you and Frank will figure it out. You are doing great! Many hugs,

    ❤️Katie xoxo

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    1. Just an update for those who don't know, ADDS has not been updated for a while because unfortunately Mr.BB passed away a couple of years back. The chat room is still very active especially on Monday nights, but they can't access the blog to update it.

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    2. Oh that’s so sad! Thank you for letting us know, Willie. He was always so kind and helpful.

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    3. Haha Katie … love Rob’s ‘how’s the shower coming along’! … I used to be ultra organized as well - when I worked a 60 hr work week and had kids at home as well. Funny how having more time in our lives means we use it less wisely … but HoH directions aside, it sure is a lot more fun doing whatever the heck we want … except when it isn’t :>)) … nj … xx

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    4. Thanks for the info Willie… when I was first reading back in several blogs last year, I noticed Mr BB's supportive comments. I always wondered what happened to him given his absence in recent times. ... nj

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  8. I suppose one of the huge benefits of ttwd ( and a sometimes emotional painful one) is the fact that it shines a constant spotlight on our relationships. A little tiring for the overthinker, but at least there is a welcome forum to discuss. Because of this, becoming comfortable doesn't mean settling. Good luck moving forward.

    Willie

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    1. A constant spotlight is a good description, Willie … we’ve had more relationship conversations in the last year that in the previous ten years and re overthinking? … I think my spinning brain is half the problem whenever there is one :>)) … nj … xx

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  9. Oh wow Nora Jean, I love this...on so many levels. I love how the phases. It kind of puts everything into perspective - and gives hope when it seems we're going through a rough patch.

    I would think these phases probably come in cycles as the ttwd life seems so fluid. Because as our lifestyle changes with us, there's probably an adjustment period for each major change.

    I remember when Matt and I started years ago - I was so excited to have help getting a handle on life, I made a ridiculously long rule list. First, Mother Theresa couldn't have kept the high expectations I listed for myself! Secondly, Matt could never have remembered all those rules and watch for them all. That list lasted about a week!

    Now 6 years in, we're so far from where we started, but it's definitely gotten better with time.....that or my bum's just gotten used to the sting. LOL :)

    Hugs --- shell

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    1. I am happy to learn from those who have gone before, Shell. I am enjoying your blog because you are coming in fresh to Blogland but with ttwd experience behind you (similar to Windy). Frank and I are still the newbies on the block here - not in blogland time now but certainly ttwd experience.

      Yes, there was temptation at the beginning to list everything except the kitchen sink as a rule … oh, wait … we do have a kitchen sink rule - ‘no dishes left in the sink’ :>)) … I joke with Frank that he got all his pet peeves resolved all at one time … haha!

      Thanks for dropping by … nj … xx

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  10. Hi Nora Jean,this is an awesome post! I love how you describe the different stages. If there's one thing we discovered, it's that ttwd is ever evolving.

    I love how you guys communicate and love your end of the day routine )

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Thanks, Roz! … yeah … ttwd check ins seem to take many forms - we went with something a little less formal and a lot more fun :>)) … nj … xx

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  11. It’s good to make a reappraisal from time to time, nj. One thing I’m sure of is that ttwd rarely stands still, but evolves to meet our changing needs and circumstances. I’m with Meredith and Roz there.
    Love your new end of day routine.
    Rosie xx

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    1. Thanks Rosie … ever evolving ttwd seems to be the theme of the day. And yes - we are enjoying our formal but informal bedtime check in … nj … xx

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  12. NJ,
    So this secret hiding place..... who are you hiding it from? The chickens? Oh, or the Rooster who definitely thinks he's the big HOH of chicken land! HA!

    Seriously, I applaud you and Frank for making adjustments .... doesn't matter how many times because like Meredith and Rosie have said, this ttwd thing continues to evolve. As you all know, Storm and I are adjusting to new things too and tweaking things (such as my ass!) .... Best wishes to you and Frank with your new routine. Hugs, Windy

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      Hiding stuff from chickens, cats and kids, my funny friend! Roo Junior’s chickenland reign has been curtailed due to a uproar from the ladies of the henhouse. He’s happier now because he doesn’t have as much to do. They’re happy because he’s not doing them as much … hahaha!

      Seriously as well … it’s good to know folks like you and Storm, ten yrs or so into this ttwd, are still adjusting as well … nj … xx

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