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Monday 10 September 2018

Poking the Bear ... Part 2

We'd been holding onto ttwd land by our finger tips for several days. The 'to be had' discussion talked about the day of the last post, never did happened. If it had, I'm not sure I could have articulated to Frank what was bothering me, because, even in my own head, I couldn't put it into words.  

After the drama of the previous post, we both knew we had to do something so our pre summer routine of daily morning spankings were restarted and those were helping until they weren't, because then they didn't happen, because life did ... back to school days arrived with new work schedules, new schools, and although, I am no longer doing full days of childcare, I do help by getting littles out the door in the morning, and delivered to buses and schools ... which mean early mornings for me ... and have I ever mentioned? ... I am NOT a morning person.

This past Friday was the end of the first week. I arrived home after delivering my charges, a little tired and a little grumpy, and was sitting at the breakfast table, reading the paper. Frank came up behind, gave me a hug and planted a kiss on the top of my head. I reached up behind me, thanked him and hugged him back. Then he made a classic Frank move ... he slipped his hand up my tshirt, heading for my breasts. And the old Nora Jean in me responded instinctively ... I pushed his hand away, yanked down my shirt and made a not very nice comment - one that included something about not wanting to sit at the table with boobs hanging out. 

... sheesh! ... I'd done it again ... poked the damn bear! ... 

I held my breath, and didn't look at him, not sure what was going to happen next. However, he only made a 'hmmm' sound and moved on with getting his breakfast, etc. I carried on reading the paper.

It was a quiet for awhile, with a bit of small talk here and there, as he ate his breakfast and I drank coffee, still reading. When I went to the sink the rinse my coffee cup, suddenly he was there with his hand outstretched toward mine ... "oh crap!" ... sure enough, my hand in his, we were headed towards the bedroom.

He has a new favourite spanking position. He plants a left hip on the bed with that leg, from knee down, hanging over the bed and his other foot on the floor. He pulls me over the thigh on the bed, tucks me in close and if I get too squirmy, he simply hooks his leg on the floor over my legs ... yeah, I know, can you say trapped! ... and this is how I found myself now, bared with pants and panties down around my ankles. I buried my face in my hands in the bed, waiting.

Frank is a man of few words ... very seldom is there anything resembling a lecture happening during a spanking. However, as he rubbed my bum, he commenced ... saying things had gotten out of hand and I would be talking about it. He also would not have me pushing him away and turning him down as I did in our pre ttwd past. And then he began spanking ... hard! ... really hard! ... all with no warm up! and no stopping ... it seemed to go on forever and I lost track of how many as he continued talking. At this point my recollection abilities really went south ... but the gist of it was ... in pushing him away I had made him angry ... he took a pause to have breakfast, calm down and collect his thoughts. He gave me a chance to come around but I continued to sit there moodily sulking and he wasn't having it. When that used to happen in the past, he would get stressed and angry and he was not going back to that way of life. I think he was trying for a release of tears (and I have since confirmed that was his goal) but I haven't cried during a spanking yet and I don't know that I ever will but crikey, it hurt! I was huffing into the bed covers by the time he was done.

He pulled me up and motioned for me to get on the bed and then he got on with me, pulling me into him ....

... "Now talk"

And so we did. I returned to the theme of feeling lately, that everything ttwd seemed to be about sex. I was tired and grumpy when I got home that morning. I thought it was sweet that he was consoling me with a hug and a kiss, until he went in for the grope. He reminded me that he likes to touch me ... it's his way of showing love, dominance and control and although it might seem sexual to me, that's not always what he's aiming for. And he reminded me, as part of our ttwd dynamic, I have agreed to him having that dominance and control, and open access to my body. 

It was a long talk ... once we got past the real, but as it turned out, superficial issue of me feeling that our ttwd life was no longer any deeper than sex, I did cry. We sorted through some very personal concerns, not meant to be shared here as it involves family matters and in the end I felt the release of letting it all go. 

As I snuggled in for a cuddle, I thanked Frank for taking charge and asserting himself. I also mused how it was such a mystery to me that I, a strong, capable woman, one who should be able to manage her own life and behaviour, could have her turmoiled mind set straight by an over the knee spanking by her husband .... 

He lifted my chin and raised his forefinger, gently tapping the middle of my forehead 

... "It's all up here, Babe ... all up here" ...


💕

... thanks again, for dropping by ... nj

11 comments:

  1. Hi NJ, it sounds like this was tough to get through but gosh, worth the outcome :) So glad you and Frank talked and are on the same page and that things are back on track :)

    Hugs
    Roz

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  2. NJ,
    Loved Part 2. These guys know how all this ttwd works. Glad things happen to settle the turmoil of a ttwd wife. Right?
    Meredith

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  3. I've had that thought, worried feeling many times - that TTWD was only for sex. And sadly at our house that's mostly true. I'm really glad you all talked. I do know a serious talk will have me crying where a spanking never will.

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  4. I think many of us have been through what you went through NJ. I know of very few women who cry during a spanking. Often the spanking is the opening of a door, and it isn't until after when we walk through it, and the tears start to fall.

    As I said to you earlier, I think we have a tendency to revert to our old line of thinking and use it to perceive things. Actions appear the same but they mean something different now. Finding the correct words to express our insecurities, which is what this amounts to really, isn't an easy task ( that is why spanking can sometimes clear away the emotions/walls so the right words can be located). As time goes on hopefully we all will get better at remembering our 'default' is based in fear and not reality a great deal of the time. I am very much a work in progress and I've been at this much longer than you. Good luck

    E

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  5. I once wrote a post about reset spankings. The long and the short of it - pre-rest we are like an old tv set with a snowy picture. One good smack and the picture comes into clear view. Sometimes our emotions take and hold our perspective hostage - the view is very fuzzy. The only thing we can make out on the screen are the things we are conditioned to remember because they are long standing but that doesn't mean we see them clearly.

    You'll get there. Not saying this is over, far from it..LOL. BUT these type of scenarios start to spread out over time.

    willie

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  6. NJ,

    Wow! I am happy you guys had a talk. It sounds like you needed it. Maybe I will be brave and ask my hubby to read this to understand both sides of ttwd.

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  7. NJ,
    I think Frank's reaction in taking care of things in the manner of which he did was exactly the right thing to do. He knew what you needed. You knew what you needed, too. And together, with him holding your squirming ass down apparently, he brought you out through the other side with that and adding the discussion afterwards. Some "reckoning" there, girl. Whoa! hehe Hugs! Windy

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  8. A challenging time for you, NJ, but a happy outcome. It’s amazing how a sound spanking can clear the fog. I’ve stopped trying to figure out why it works, I only know that it does.
    Rosie xx (Another non-morning person)

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  9. Nora Jean, thank you so much for sharing that with us. This is one of the most beautiful DD moments, and I am so honoured to have been able to read it. What a sweet story, and how great of you guys to work through this together. I love he showed up for you, and your marriage, and wants it to be better than it was before. I too have a husband that will touch me in ways that seem sexual at first, but he's shown me that they're more just showing the dynamic, and him just touching me in the moment with no further thought in mind.
    Hugs, EsMay

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  10. Thank you all for your comments on both the part 1 and part 2 posts. I thought of many of you as it was going on, thinking Blogland friends will tell me they have been through the same and came out the other side, often for the better. That is really what kept me/us in the game ... working towards a solution ... so again thank-you! ... nj

    ... PS ... we've just been through another set of out of town company and managed to survive it just fine this time :>))

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  11. I am glad that the two of you talked and worked things out. Many hugs

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