... the ties that bind us ...

I touched on bondage in my 'reset' post a couple of weeks ago. Writing that got me thinking about from whence we came … 

Bondage to us, means restraints … no fancy ropework happening here. We have used a number of restraint types over the years. Scarves and pantyhose … those were our first bonds - and I think we also had a pair of cheap handcuffs - complete with the fluffy red trim … very tacky :>) ...  and very uncomfortable! All of it was just for fun … experimentations of the newly wed and newly bed. Other than what was in the erotic BDSM classics I read, we had no clue as to what we were doing - no idea there was a community of like minded people out in the world.

When I ‘came out’ to Frank over 20 years ago, letting him know I actually wanted to do more of what was in my now much wider kink library, we took our dynamic to a next level. However, there weren’t any ‘Sex Toys Are Us’ online shopping sites to found in that decade. Our choices were either to head to the bowels of sleezedom in our big city downtown and or go ‘across the line’ to the Dirty Books and More store (we lived in a town that bordered the US where the adult content laws were more relaxed). However, that also meant you had to figure out how to get your treasures back home across the border … both of those were no go options for us … therefore I became a bondage equipment DIY’er. You’d be surprised what you can do with a couple of quality leather skirts from the second hand store, a snap fastener kit plus various hardware rings and rope. Once Frank gave the thumbs up, all systems go, I turned into a cobbler …  a very excited little cobbler I might add … the fruits of which were a set of soft leather ankle cuffs, wrist cuffs, collar, a fur lined blindfold and our very first flogger - the last two still in use today. And so it began … 

Now we do shop online at the Sex Toys Are Us stores. We’ve replaced the leather cuffs with a set of soft fabric velcro closure ankle and wrist cuffs with attached ties … comfortable, simple to use, unobtrusive and easy to travel with. 

And we also have what I call mind bondage … and that was the reference I made in the previous reset post. In that post I also commented that most of the bondage we do today is of the mental type. While writing this post, I dug a little deeper into trying to figure out why that has come into being … why do we not use physical bondage as much anymore. Adding more food for thought, our impromptu reset session was followed up with a formal planned session a couple of days later. In that session we did use physical restraints so now I could do a comparison … 

From a psychological perspective, both work for me. However, the mental bondage has an added edge … without physical bonds to hold me, the decision to hold position is mine to make … and making that decision to not move and to allow Frank to do as he wishes (and of course, deep down it is what I wish as well), deepens my feelings of surrender and submissiveness and intensifies my feelings of erotic embarrassment - one of my kinks (which also exists in the DD world as well … think ‘corner time’ or being told to take your pants down and bare yourself for a good old fashion spanking - embarrassing but oh so hot!). 

My thoughts about why mental versus physical bondage also went to how we play nowadays. It’s just us … unless there are family obligations during the day, we can do what we want, when we want, which means our BDSM sessions tend to be more spontaneous than planned. After a spontaneous start, nothing kills the mood more than having to listen to someone dig around in the toy drawer for the bondage gear.

So with all of these thoughts in mind for a post, Frank and I sat down a couple of days ago in the late afternoon for one of our ‘chats’ … I was excited to share thoughts about our recent reaffirmations of our kink and talk over the topic for this planned post. When I got to the part about the differences between mental and physical bondage, and my corresponding theory re why there is less physical bondage in our play now, he nodded in agreement. However, after a moment, he sat back in his chair, grinned a smirky little smile with his eyebrow quirked and said … 

“Do you want me to tell you the real reason I hardly ever tie you up anymore”

“Of course” … I replied … looking forward to a philosophical discussion. However, my always pragmatic man, came back with this … 

“You whine too much” … 

I burst out laughing … “Seriously!?”

“Yes, seriously ... more often than not, when I tie you up, there is some type of complaint about comfort … that’s hurting my hips, my shoulder hurts, it’s too tight. The way I look at it, if I can get you where and how I want you with my voice and few words, why not go with that.”

Now I really am laughing … and I admit ... he is right … when I think about it, I am a bit of a whiny sub at times … but in my defence, I am also not as supple as I once was ... lol! 

So I guess this means mind bondage will be the mainstay of our future. I'm sure we'll still have the occasional 'tie me up' session but now I'll try to remember to not complain too much 😊

So that’s how the B for Bondage in BDSM rolls in the Cawder household … it's been a very long time since we were wide eyed, kinky neophytes but what we do and how we do it works for us … and the recent addition of DD/ttwd and the change to a 24/7 lifestyle has brought a renewal into our D/s relationship. After all those years of operating on our own, it feels good to have a community out there, a community we can learn from, a community who gets our kink and with whom we can share the sometimes serious and sometimes funny sides of our D/s/DD/ttwd life …. 

Thanks as always for dropping by … nj & Frank

💞

 ... if this little foray of mine into the world of BDSM has you wanting to read more, you can use the 'badge' below to visit the SafewordD/s Club's Tell Me About ... Dominance and Submission project. There are several 'Tell Me About ...' topics found there, the current one being Bondage (hence this post) and I am told there is one coming up later for ... drumrollll please! ... Spanking ... so stay tuned!

you might also want to visit the blogs of the club's co-creators, 

Missy and her hubby, His Lordship