Gentlemen .... put down your razors, please ...

... be you the HoH, TiH, Dominant, Submissive, Top or Bottom, husband or boyfriend ... if you are male, this little PSA from Frank and Nora Jean Cawder is for you ... and your SO because, ultimately it affects you both ... 

October is almost over and November is lurking ... yes, that is my little tongue in cheek reference to the fact I understand, from reading many of the last year blog posts, November is ttwd Blogland's "LOL (Love our Lurkers)" month. However, for some of us, November is also known as Movember ...

Whaaat the heck is Movember?, you say .... here is the description straight from Wikipedia ...

Movember (a portmanteau of the Australian-English diminutive word for moustache, "mo", and "November") is an annual event involving the growing of moustaches during the month of November to raise awareness of men's health issues, such as prostate cancer, testicular cancer, and men's suicide. The Movember Foundation runs the Movember charity event, housed at Movember.com. The goal of Movember is to "change the face of men's health."

By encouraging men (whom the charity refers to as "Mo Bros") to get involved, Movember aims to increase early cancer detection, diagnosis and effective treatments, and ultimately reduce the number of preventable deaths. Besides annual check-ups, the Movember Foundation encourages men to be aware of family history of cancer and to adopt a healthier lifestyle.

Since 2004, the Movember Foundation charity has run Movember events to raise awareness and funds for men's health issues, such as prostate cancer and depression, in Australia and New Zealand. In 2007, events were launched in Ireland, Canada, Czech Republic, Denmark, El Salvador, Spain, the United Kingdom, Israel, South Africa, Taiwan and the United States. As of 2011, Canadians were the largest contributors to the Movember charities of any nation. In 2010, Movember merged with the testicular cancer event Tacheback.

Why do Frank and I care enough to bring this to the attention of Blogland? ... 

Fourteen years ago this Fall, one month shy of his 54th birthday, Frank was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Four months later he had a radical prostatectomy. We were, at the time, fortunate enough to be living in an area that had one of the top prostate cancer research centres in the world. Frank was able to access the skill and care of one of the centre's top surgeons. The early discovery and the low staging of his tumour, meant he was able to come out of the surgery with nerves intact ... all of this was life changing but not as life changing as it could have been if it had gone undetected.

We bring this month of Movember to your attention because it is well known that men are notoriously bad about looking after their own health. In the case of prostate cancer, it will strike one in seven men in their life time ... not a trivial number. For more statistics and an interesting article on prostate cancer (part 1 of a 7 part series), check this out.

Regular (as in yearly) medical checkups are recommended for men over the age of 40 ... particularly if there is family history of cancer or other similar health issues. Take care of yourselves ... your partners want you around ... there is no ttwd without you!


So wanna have reason to grow some hair on your face? or wanna a reason for your man to grow some facial hair? ... check out Movember (each supporting country will have it's own specific site) ... grow that 'stache (or 'mo') you've always wanted or if you already have one, grow it bigger or crazier than it is today ... and raise some money for a good cause.

... and even if you don't 'do Movember', do take yourselves to your Doc if a checkup is due! ... 

as as always ... thanks for dropping by ... nj & Frank

Signs ...

Are you a follower of astrology? Do you read a daily horoscope? In our household Frank is the one who follows to see what his favourite astrologer, Georgia Nicols, has to say. Me? ... never. As I see it, it's all hocus pocus. 

Georgia is a fun, zany, older gal, who we see around the end of the year on a local news station, giving out all the horoscopes for the new year. However, I think Frank likes Georgia because she often mentions how sexy Scorpios are ... yes, my man is a Scorpio and if you believe that your sign matters, here is a sampling what astrologers say are the traits of a Scorpio (surprisingly, some of them are not far off the mark but then again, they're probably not too far off the mark for any of the signs ;)) ... 

I, on the other hand, am a Pisces ... you know, the calm, creative water sign ... let's see what astrologers have to say about me ... 

Hmmm, maaaybe the positive attributes apply 😊 ... 

... then I found this one ... which makes me laugh because Frank has, on occasion, told me I am a flirt. I defend myself by saying I do not flirt deliberately ... to which he says, yes, he realizes that but not all men do. I think it's more about how I am comfortable in male company. As a tomboy, who grew up in a family and neighbourhood of all boys and then spent 2/3 of my career in a male dominated industry, I prefer to consider it as engaging in lighthearted banter with the opposite sex 😉...

And together, astrologers say we are .... 

There you have it. It would appear we are a perfect match but then we already knew that, so why am I boring you with this inane information on a Thursday, October 25th morning? 

... I have a very good reason .... 

... scroll down ...

... way down ....

I love you, sexy man! .... nj ... oxox

Frustrated ...

Did you know there are 8000 nerves in the clitoral region? ... 

... this and several other interesting fun facts about the clitoris can be found in this article. 

Why do I bring this one little fact to your attention. I am just going to come out and say it ... I am having problems achieving orgasm. 

I am willing. I am eager. Frank is a wonderful lover. Physically, the signs are all there - wetness, heat, swelling, and colour (according to Frank :>)) but for some reason, more often than not, the effing engine will ... not ... start! I am not totally without as I am still able to have orgasms, some of them mind blowing orgasms. However, after having one, I need several days 'rest' before I can have another one. 

I have come up with three possible scenarios as to what I/we might be facing here ... 

Scenario #1 - 

You may have read my previous post about our libido issues (Our FSOG Story) - Frank and I have always contended with mismatched libidos. His is over the top (in my estimation, not his ;>)) and mine, until recently, has almost always been more missing in action than present. In the past, one way of getting me 'interested' was the use of a vibrator to get started which means I have been using a vibrator for a very long time.  I should also point out said vibrators were/are not of the dainty little bullet variety ... the first was a Wahl, followed by Wahl 2, and more recently we acquired a Magic Wand (aka Magic Mike :>)) and a direct clitoris stimulator called a 'The Satisfyer'.

Several months ago, we realized I could no longer come without using a vibrator. I can almost get there through various oral and/or hands on methods. However, as opposed to our previous experience where I used a vibrator to start, the vibrator is now needed to 'finish'. This situation had me researching whether or not long term vibrator use could negatively affect the ability to achieve orgasm. Although references to this issue can be found, there was no conclusive evidence to support my theory, which is ... 

.... I think maybe I have stunned 7500 of those aforementioned 8000 nerves into a comatose stupor through over vibrator use and the remaining 500, although mightily trying to pull the weight of all, are only able to come out to play after they've had several days to rest up .... 

... or maybe it's Scenario #2 ... 

The mismatched libido scenario also meant for very many years Frank often ran somewhat solo. I wouldn't deny him but I would tell him to not always expect me to be along for the ride. Don't get me wrong ... when the timing was right and it  happened for both of us, the sex was great - especially after the kiddos left home and we discovered our D/s kink. However, it just didn't happen all that often for me ... maybe once a week or so.

Also in our FSOG story, I talk about how, in early 2017, I had a sexual revelation that kickstarted my libido and my interest in sex and orgasms ... frequent orgasms, please and thank-you, Sir! That was followed by ttwd early this year - more sex and orgasms, please, Sir - along with spanky times. In the former 3/4 or so of this period, for me, my orgasm rate was three or more times a week. Now, it's down to once, maybe twice a week.

So Scenario #2 has me asking myself whether or not I am returning to my old normal, with the past almost two years experience being somewhat outside the norm. The kinky, erotic books I've been bingeing on for the past 20 months aren't getting my motor humming like they used to. Maybe, that's due to what a good friend of mine has referred to as the law of diminishing returns (she's a math person :>)). My interpretation is more of an ice cream analogy. If you ate your favourite ice cream every day for a year and a half, your body would eventually say ... nuh uh, no more ice cream! Going with the theory that the biggest erogenous zone in a woman's body, is the brain, maybe my brain is telling my body is there aren't as many horny times to be had and as a result, my body has returned to it's 'normal' count of once or twice a week orgasms .... but frustratingly, unlike before, it is with my newly found libido still intact ... the issue is definitely not due to a lack of interest.

... and finally, Scenario #3 ... 

The last scenario is one I really, really do not want to even contemplate, let alone put in writing .... 

... maybe my age (63) is a factor ..... arghhh!!! ... please say it isn't so! Not now, when we are enjoying each other so much!

Frank has been wonderful about it all. I have ended many of our sexy times in tears, crying into his shoulder, saying 'it's broken'. He will often console me by saying it doesn't have to happen every time or pointing out that it doesn't always happen for him either. At other times, he will dip into his bag of tricks, do a restart and turn things around, ending with a grin and a triumphant ... 'and now it's fixed!'. However lately, even those tricks aren't working. Giving me sufficient rest time in between orgasms seems to be the only thing that works. 

It's all very frustrating .... 

... chime in if you feel so moved ... I have a feeling I may not be the only one rowing this boat ...

💞

thanks for dropping by ... nj

Big Sexy ...

The picture you see here, is us. I post it only to give you a visual of our comparative sizes. I am not a petite woman. I am 5'8" and I carry some extra pounds on my frame - which Frank loves because I now have a bum which I didn't have when I was thinner - so no dieting for me :>). Frank is stocky and wide shouldered. He used to be 5'8" as well but age and other factors have shrunk him an inch or so. 

... and btw, if you were to see the entire picture, you would see I am laughing, because of course, unbeknownst to the picture taker, he is grabbing my bum 😊 ...

... on occasion Frank will call me 'big sexy' or 'my big sexy woman' ... the 'big' referencing the fact I am a bit 'bigger' (taller) than him and it is also a nod to how much he likes my current body size ... I do know this.

... I've been good ... consciously good, refraining from any negative self talk as we know that is not tolerated ... and there are consequences for forgetting that ... I posted about that some time ago in "Self Talk Lesson"

The other morning I was dressed and in the bathroom, doing my hair. Frank came up behind me, pulling me into him, my back to his front ... looking into the mirror, his arms wrapped around me, he said ...

... "You are my big, sexy woman" 

I laughed and replied ..."yeahhh ... emphasis on 'big'" 

... what the hell was I thinking!! ... or more to the point ... obviously, I was not thinking! ... 

... man, he was fast! ... he whipped me around, still holding me in his arms and laid into me ... a hard smack on alternating cheeks, one for each word he said to me ... high on my bum cheeks, where it hurt like hell! 

... and to be honest, I can't remember what he said, only that it was the familiar chastisement that he will not tolerate me putting myself down ... 

It was over quick and tears welled in my eyes as I submissively tucked my head into his shoulder. Hands on cheeks, he tipped my head back so he could look at me ...

... "I love you as you are ... I don't want to hear you talk like that again ... do .. you .. understand?"

I nodded my agreement and softly said ... 

..."Yes, Sir"

... he tucked my head back into his neck ...

I am his big sexy woman ... emphasis on 'his' and 'woman' ...

💕

Community ...

We've had our fair share of out of town company over the past Summer and Fall months, the last of which headed home a week ago. Although we enjoy sharing our home and our little part of the world with those who live elsewhere, we are an insular couple, who happily enjoy each others company. Thus, when all depart, we give a big sigh of relief and settle back down to 'our life'. 

I've also noticed what happens when we have company - being it getting ready for company, hosting said company, and settling back down after our company leaves - I disconnect from Blogland. I can't keep my head in the game when I am constantly interacting with those not in this ttwd world. You may or may not have noticed my off again, on again participation over the past few months ... no comments on posts by fellow bloggers, few if any posts of my own and when I do post, late or no comments back to those who follow ... 

Due to this lack of participation, plus the lack of time and inspiration to write, I have considered, many times over the past couple of months, I should just drop out of Blogland. In these times, I feel like I have nothing of value to add to the conversation and I feel guilty about my lack of participation. Each time I've talked about doing so, Frank talks me out of it. Wise man that he is, and wanting to keep us on this new road we've chosen, he recognizes the value of hanging out with those with similar mindsets.

The word that comes to mind when I think about all of this is Community ... all of you out there in ttwd Blogland are part of our community, a special, secret society behind the regular scene of life. 

Now that there is no foreseen company on the horizon for the next several months, I hope I am able to fully rejoin you Blogland .... I've missed you all ... 

... hugs! ... nj 

Thankful ...

Today is Thanksgiving Day here in Canada ... 

In the Cawder family, we are thankful and grateful today, and everyday, for many things ...

🦃 health ... especially Frank's health ... he had a rough couple of years not too long ago. This year he's the healthiest he's been in a long time ...

🦃 family ... our children and grandchildren live close by .. we realize we are fortunate not only to have grandkids but also live close enough to have them as part of our everyday life. We also have other extended family here as well all of which means we sat down with 24 family members at our Thanksgiving dinner yesterday ...

🦃 love ... ttwd has brought a deeper love into our lives in the last year ... not something we would/could ever have imagined happening ... and we are thankful for all of you in Blogland who have provided guidance, friendship and support ...

🦃 our home ... here in our little piece of paradise ... ocean almost at our front doorstep, wildlife out our back door, a vibrant arts community, friendly, neighbourly and safe ...

🦃 our country ... although we are not immune to the divisiveness and controversial politics of this time in history, we feel blessed to live in this country called Canada ...

... Happy Thanksgiving, fellow Canucks! ... 

Reporting In ...

 ... I started responding to those who commented on my last post and then realized a new post, 'reporting in' on our little getaway last weekend, would be the best answer to you all - and thank you all for your well wishes!

If you were expecting a great review of a hot sexy time, I'm sorry to disappoint. It turned out this past weekend wasn't about any big sexual adventure (although the sex was still pretty hot!). It was more about the little things.

Ella commented about my use of the term 'hotel sex' ... how staying in a hotel is the opposite for her and Sam, because they worry about noise. When I started using the term 'hotel sex' years ago, our sexy times weren't of the noisy variety ... we were used to having 'quiet sex' because we had kiddos at home. Hotel sex to us just meant we could enjoy intimate times without kiddo interruptions. We realized, with our last getaway in June, we are noisier now than we used to be ... not only due to the spanking and impact play but apparently, as Frank likes to tease me, when I am in the throes of passion, I am waaay noisier than I used to be ... haha! Having to be the next door audience to the sexy shenanigans in the adjoining hotel room on our last getaway, certainly brought our own noisiness to light as a possible issue ... so yes Ella, 'hotel sex' in a hotel, also doesn't quite work for us any longer ;)). For that reason, this time around, we checked into an AirBnB unit ... a private apartment at the back of a large residential waterfront lot. It was a beautiful little spot .. short walk to the beach and the walking path to a park but still minutes from the city where we could see the sights and enjoy good food.

On the sexy side of the coin, I had suggested prior to leaving on our little vacation, there might be a couple of 'things' I wanted to try. I'll 'fess up that there is a bit of S/m in our dynamic. I am more the kinkster in the duo, only because I read ... a lot ... and I have the more creative mind. Frank has struggled somewhat over the years with the zing he gets from his S side ... but me, never! be it my /m side or his S tendencies ... when I am hot and bothered, it's flog/crop/spank me harder please, Sir! ... and don't fuss about you getting off on giving me a little (or sometimes a lot) of pain. I like it!


On the other hand I still struggle with being upfront and talking about our kink and what it is I want. I don't know why this is because Frank has no problem talking about anything and is open to whatever I want to try. So this weekend, as I said, I had a desire to try something but couldn't quite bring myself to talk about it. Sitting in the apartment living room, after our first dinner out, he asked me to spill the beans and I couldn't get beyond stammering and stuttering. Finally, he pulled me down to where he was sitting on the sofa, gently turned me around, my back to his front, held me close, told me to close my eyes and start talking. So I did .... and although I truly can't bring myself to recount the details here (see what I mean ;)), I did manage to tell him what I wanted and we did give it a go. However, as I'm sure some of you can certainly relate, some things are just better left as fantasies and this was one of those times. We had a bit of a laugh about it afterwards and went on to what we know does work for sure :>) 

So about the little things ... Frank was amazing ... he 'took care of me' .... reminding me of the 21 year old young man he once was in our early dating years ... there was a lot of HoH'ing as Meredith's Jack calls it ;), including hand holding, door opening, guiding, making sure he was front and centre in paying the bills and always asking me first what I wanted to do and see. He even, on our Saturday dinner date night, after we decided on our selections, ordered dinner and drinks for us both ... I detected a bit of raised eyebrow from the waitress but that only had me grinning inside. 

 ... truly, it was a sweet time. 

💞

... thanks for dropping by ... nj