Stop .... and Listen

Sometimes it's the smallest of incidents that remind us how far we've come with 'this thing we do'. Such an incident happened this past weekend ... 

On Sunday evening, we dropped in at our daughter and SiL's as his parents (we'll call them the OGP's - the other grandparents) were visiting from out of town. Spring Break was over and Monday would be back to school and work for all. It would also mean Frank and I would resume assisting with the before and after school childcare.  In conversation with 'the kids' (the adult kids), it had become apparent there were a couple of wrinkles in our normally smooth system, mostly to do with vehicle availability (due to age difference and other factors the three boys are in three different schools so bus and school drop offs and pick ups have to be coordinated).

Frank was sitting at the dining table with the OGP's. The adult kids were in and out of the open area kitchen/dining room, doing all things busy parents do the evening before a school and work day. I had come from the kitchen and was standing next to the table, facing Frank. The OGP's were sitting to my right and the kitchen was to my left. 

I can only surmise it was being in a social situation with casual acquaintances, faced with a logistics issue that had to be resolved before we left for home, plus my natural tendency to be a 'fixer', that caused me to be in full on former NJ mode, with nary a submissive thought in my head. I was soon busily 'telling' Frank how I thought things should unfold in the morning, when all of a sudden Frank spoke ... calmly, not loudly ... but there was no mistaking the tone ... it wasn't Dad Frank, it wasn't Grampa Frank or Friend Frank .... my forgotten submissive brain registered the tone immediately ... it was Dom Frank ... 

"You need to stop .. right now .. and listen" ... 

My brain halted, my spine straightened, my lips zipped. I didn't dare look left or right ... I know the tone I heard - what I didn't know was if the OGP's or the kids heard it the same way, or even if one or the other of the kids were still in their kitchen .... and I didn't want to know ... if I were to see some type of reaction in their faces, I wasn't sure how I would handle it. 

Frank continued speaking quietly to me, giving me his view of how we should proceed on Monday. I responded with ...

"May I offer an alternative ...." (my brain added the 'Sir' but thankfully my mouth didn't follow suit!) ... still engaging directly with that face right in front of me - not looking left or right. He nodded and I gave him my view. However, he then went on to point out I had missed an important factor, and I then agreed his view of what we should do would work best. I quietly pulled up the chair beside him, sat down and we carried on with our visit. 

The craziest thing about all of this was how calm and centred I felt - both at the moment of his interruption, and in our subsequent quiet conversation. His stopping me with that sentence, in that tone, didn't make me upset or angry - quite the opposite. I know exactly how the NJ of the alternative universe we used to live in would have responded ... it may not have been a full on confrontation in the company of guests, but there certainly would have been a sense of indignation and possibly anger on my part, at him interrupting me like that in front of others. 

When we got home I noted Frank did a bit of a check in by asking if all was ok with me. I cheerily replied yes, I was doing just fine. 

.... and then a few hours later I had to write this post ... still at bit amazed at how it all went down.

... nj