Translate

Sunday 26 May 2019

... When I'm gone ...



Dance me to the end of love - Leonard Cohen


The prompt for the Erotic Journal Challenge this week is Aging ... What are your thoughts, hopes, and fears about sexuality as you age?

I've come to realize I have a couple of perhaps odd visuals in my head when it comes to time and the passage of time. 

My visual for a year is a flat spherical ring ... like the rings around Saturn except without the planet in the middle. The spherical plane is dissected where December ends and January begins. As we've aged, our annual trips around the sphere seem to have sped up.



My timeline visual for life is a runway ... you touch down at the start and depart at the end. 




Putting sexuality aside for a moment, I think how one feels about aging depends on where you are on the runway of life .... if you're in advance of midpoint - other than perhaps having a momentary crisis when a milestone birthday is reached, aging is something to think about a little further down the runway towards takeoff. 

Where we sit now on our timeline of life, there is much more runway behind us than in front of us. The horizon that marks the end of the runway is beginning to show itself which is why the title of this post is something Frank often says to me ... 

"When I'm gone ... " 

... and every time he says it, he breaks my heart just a little bit. 

I suppose, in his mind, he has reasons to speak the words ... 

... he is 5 yrs older than me
... he is male so therefore statistics are not in his favour
... he has been through multiple health issues, including two bouts of cancer, the last one life threatening and he's not considered 'out of the woods' until he hits 7 years cancer free - so another 3 years. 
... his father died of heart disease at a young age (however, I always tell him to look to his Mom for his genes instead - she is still with us and going on 91)
... he has always been the more pessimistic one

Everyone is aging ... not a day goes by when one isn't aging :>)). It's just when you get to a certain point on that runway of life, you realize there is less time left so you feel the aging process more intimately. 

What about aging and sexuality? ... for us, as an 'older' couple, I can say for the most part, keeping our sexuality alive has not been a concern. Health issues, when they've cropped up, have caused us to pause and focus on what's in front of us - but that happens no matter what age you're at. We also had one medication side effect arise that blew Frank's libido sideways for a few months (a blood pressure med - often a culprit in erectile dysfunction and/or libido issues). Physical strength and agility also can be a factor ... but if the desire and need for intimacy is there, humans are an inventive species (see 'The Stool' :>)) We are two persons, demographically considered to be 'seniors' ... our sexuality encompasses our life - and we are having some of the best sex of our lives. 

I also look around at my fellow bloggers, here in this little corner of ttwd blogland - many of them are close in age to Frank and I, or not far off. They too are not suffering in the sexuality department. Despite what some of the world might think ... (Ella had a bit to say about that in her last post) ... the old folks are still thinking about sex, having sex and often lots of it - because guess what ... we have time in our day :>)) As I said in a comment to Ella's post ... a doctor once told me the highest rates of STD's are in retirement communities ... obviously the old folks are still getting it on ... how safely is another matter :>)

But back to the words in the title of this post ... the most difficult part for us and aging, is it won't be all that long before one of us will face having to live out our life without the other. 

I often repeat back to Frank when he says those words ... 'But what if it's me that goes first' ... However, I truly hope that's not how it unfolds. Although I felt the gut wrenching fear of losing Frank with his last illness, and do not relish having to go there again, I do know that I am the emotionally stronger of the two of us. I am the one who has the fortitude of a strong survivor ... and being the one who is still here 'when he's gone', means I won't have to leave this world worrying about him ... 

Leonard Cohen - 1984
(musically this is not one of my favourite LC songs but lyrically, like all his work, it's perfect)

Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic till I'm gathered safely in
Lift me like an olive branch and be my homeward dove
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love
Oh, let me see your beauty when the witnesses are gone
Let me feel you moving like they do in Babylon
Show me slowly what I only know the limits of
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the wedding now, dance me on and on
Dance me very tenderly and dance me very long
We're both of us beneath our love, we're both of us above
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the children who are asking to be born
Dance me through the curtains that our kisses have outworn
Raise a tent of shelter now, though every thread is torn
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic till I'm gathered safely in
Touch me with your naked hand or touch me with your glove
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love

Click here to see what others are saying about 'Aging'


24 comments:

  1. I am glad I decided to visit today...I love this post...well thought out and written...not that they are not usually. M and I met,,,at what most people would call...the beginning of "getting old". We have had more fun, more adventures...and as for the sex...well, it is still amazing almost 20 years later. Maybe not as often...but leaves us both needed a nap...And on those days when I feel an ache, or seem to be lacking energy...I know, I am blessed to be getting older, and enjoying it. hugs abby

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank-you, Abby ... I love your story with your M ... an inspiration for anyone over 50 who thinks that life has passed them by ❤ ... Hugs! ... nj

      Delete
  2. Hi, NJ,
    Love this post. Gave me some things to think about.
    --Baker

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thinking is good, Baker :>)) ... glad you enjoyed the post ... nj

      Delete
  3. Nora Jean,
    This post would have been a great one even without the Leonard Cohen song. But "Dance me to the end of love" sent it to a new level. What a beautiful song, and I have never heard it before. Perhaps it is not only a dance of love but the dance of life for those of us who have been with the same partner for so many years,

    And with every passing year time seems to be more precious. Sex has always been an integral part of our life and our love. We do things differently than we did in our 20's, and I love your use of the word "inventive." With Sam and I, however, I believe the passion and the bond between us gets stronger with every year so I would never choose to go back.

    My feelings about one of us being alone some day are much like yours. But the silly and romantic part of me sings the song from the Titanic movie - "I believe that the heart does go on..."

    Ella

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Ella ... I absolutely agree the bond gets stronger for us as well which is what makes it all the harder to think we'll have to say good-bye at some point.

      I like to think our sex life has evolved all along and continues to do so ... and we are so lucky to have found a lifestyle, at this point in our lives, which works to enhance that evolution even more ... Hugs! ... nj

      Delete
  4. This was an amazing blog nj........ it touched something deep inside of me... the age difference between Sir Steve and myself is huge (I'm 17 years older) and I often worry about leaving him first.. (odds are I will) BUT while we are together I want to make the most of our life together and hopefully leave him and the lil one better able to go on........

    and for me the sex has never been better (grinning) definitely a plus to the age difference.......

    oh and I loved - LOVED - the analogy of the runway....... gives me something to ponder :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It makes me happy to know that this touched you, Morningstar ... I know you've struggled some with the age difference between you and SS.

      Haha! ... yeah ... lucky you to get all the perks of having a younger guy ... more staying power for one ... lol! ... nj ... xx

      Delete
  5. With each birthday I try very hard to embrace the age and what we’ve been blessed to accomplish, to have, and to hold, but truly the thought of this time coming is frightening to me. I think about it far too often and have this need to run through ‘the plan’ should one of us be going away for any length of time.
    As far as things changing sexually, they have but in a very good way. Sex has always been a constant in our lives, a way we’ve always connected even when angry with each other. Introducing and living ttwd has only made it better for us. We are not in our 20’s anymore but we enjoy a very full life and our sexuality is still a very big part of it.
    This is an excellent post NoraJean, thank you for the interesting read. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Laurel ... yes, currently these are good years and I know it won't always be so ... I/we, like you, are very much appreciating where we are today. I have widowed and divorced single women as family and friends ... it is not easy being alone which makes me appreciate what we have all the more ... interesting to me is it seems women don't as actively seek new partners after such life events and I've told Frank I doubt there will ever be anyone else after him ... thank-you for sharing your thoughts, Laurel ... nj ... xx

      Delete
  6. What a lovely, heartfelt and well written post NJ. I love this. What beautiful lyrics.I too love your runway analogy.

    Why does time speed up the older you get?! This is something I think about more and more. I guess the trick is to embrace and enjoy each other and every moment.

    Hugs
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank-you Roz ... yes, the lyrics are beautiful ... and the video in the link is sweet as well (music is ok :>)). I agree we need to be more mindful of the time we have right now ... and not look too far into the future.
      Hugs! ... nj

      Delete
  7. Such a beautiful poem. I hadn't seen it before.

    My Ron also voices the same concern, for the same reasons you list, except for health concerns. His bucket list includes teaching me to change the furnace and aquarium filters. I hope we don't have to deal with the imminence of his passing for at least a few more years. He's healthy enough to mow the lawn every 3-4 days.

    Hugs,
    Hermione

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love that you call the lyrics a poem, Hermione ... I've always thought of LC as more of a poet than a singer, although I love his music as well.

      It is sweet but a bit heart hurting that Ron thinks he needs to prepare you for the future as well. Any years we can get now are good years! ... nj ... xx

      Delete
  8. Great post! I think it is so important to spread the message that older folks can still be and feel sexy. Even with increasing health issues, I think we tend to know more about what we want and voice it more confidently than when we were younger. We also have a sense of knowing we don't have all the time in the world so we stop taking it for granted as much. Well...some of us, anyway.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Brigit ... yes, spreading that message is one of the reasons I blog. We definitely don't take what we have for granted when it comes to health and love. When you get to this age you start to see more and more friends and colleagues start to falter or pull apart from one another. It makes us even more determined to stay healthy in body and love ... nj

      Delete
  9. Your love for Frank truly shines through in this post. It is hard to imagine this earth without our partner but like you, the worry would be too great leaving Eric behind. Our age difference is double yours... it's hard not to consider that day on Memorial Day, when the whole country honors the memories of those who have gone before us. Tomorrow, I'll curl myself in Eric's arms and cherish that moment, with your post in mind. Hugs NJ.
    Amy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank-you Amy ... I do love him, heart and soul :>) Have a wonderful reunion with your man tomorrow ... hold him tight and hope to never let him go ❤ ... nj ... xx

      Delete
  10. Beautiful post, NJ. I agree, we really begin to think about the end of life as we get closer to it, but getting old is not the end. I started this kink stuff relatively late and that wasn't a problem at all. I love that you and Frank have so much love - and love the Leonard Cohen song too!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Olivia ... you are right ... getting old is not the end ... altho' if you think of yourself as old, it's the beginning of the end so we try to not do that :)) ... nj ... xx

      Delete
  11. Excellent post, and something we talk about from time to time. My father dying from a heart attack, and my having a heart attack 6 years ago, leads to me giving advice to Cindy about finances and life decisions, but we have strong children who will be here to help.
    Sex is fabulous, and I count a lot of that to TTWD, as it has lead to us being far less reserved and far more adventurous, with excellent results.
    Life is wonderful! don't let the sh*t get you down, is the philosophy I try to live, but it doesn't always work.
    bottoms up
    Red

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Red ... yes, ttwd has also brought us a new lease on life, including sex ... one we never would have imagined! ... it sounds like you and Cindy are enjoying life to the fullest! :>) ... nj

      Delete
  12. There is lots to love in this and it is a great post. I can relate to lots of what you have written here and sort of feel time running out. I don't think its the loss of time but the end of my 'good years' because I have never had years as good as these and I don't want that to end any time soon. missy x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know what you mean about feeling these are the good years, Missy ... However, we've had a few times in our many years together where things have gone sideways but we have always managed to right ourselves once whatever storm it is has passed ... and that is something I hold onto ... nj ... xx

      Delete