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Sunday 11 February 2018

A spanko or not a spanko, that is the question ....



As we go through these early stages of adopting ttwd, I question my spanko-ness. I have read/am reading, end to end, the blogs of three self professed spankos. I've never considered myself as such, although spanking is very much a part of my earliest memories of my sexual self. I saw this movie when I was quite young. It certainly made an impression!



As did this classic I 'borrowed' from my parents' hidden sexy book stash, furtively read by the light of the streetlight outside my bedroom window ...



Things diverged when I read this in my late teens/early 20's .... I have no real memory of its acquisition or how old I was at the time. I think it was post Frank ... I still have the book ... but not this pretty cover as mine is a very old version, bought second hand. 



Suddenly it was about much more than spanking. It was all about the dominant, submissive dynamic, of which spanking or impact play, was a component ... I have a natural submissive bent ... so far, in the bedroom only. I have never struggled with that concept of self. It is simply a part of me.

Consequently, I 'came out', as I've heard the term used, to Frank about it, ~20 years ago. He was happy to accommodate my kink and ever since we've had what I like to think of as a D/s Lite relationship ... it's occasional kink - light bondage, toys and impact play and all in the bedroom only.



D/s for me does not translate well outside the bedroom ... I think it's because there is a theatrical or playacting side to D/s that does not work for me once the passion of the bedroom has passed. My real world, strong personality had me giggling any time Frank tried to take it outside the bedroom. He would ask, how could I think I was submissive if I never listened and did as I was told ;)) .... in the back of my head, my lizard brain was saying ... "ya gotta make me, baby ... use your voice and words" (I give a nod and a thank-you, to Ella's Sam, in the blog Ella Ever After, for his lizard brain post) 



So for me it's more about my deep down physical and mental reaction to the dominant male .... posture, presentation and tone of voice, than the adoption of a specific discipline action (i.e. spanking). A recent example of why I know this, is not too long ago, we were eating at a restaurant with friends, I was being a little loud after a couple of glasses of wine (I've been told I have a big laugh :)). The waitress asked me if I wanted another glass of wine, at which point I happened to glance over at Frank. Amazingly, I got 'the look', a slight shake of the head and a firm, low 'noooo, you're not' .... I don't think I'd ever been at the receiving end of that look before ... don't think I'd ever heard that tone of voice before (or at least one that registered like that). Not even sure how I recognized 'that look' and tone ... my brain didn't need to ... be still my south of the border lady parts - they were in full recognition! .... finally! ... a real life 'out of the bedroom' dominant move by my man ..... yummhmmmm, my lizard brain hummed! Funnily, I did talk to him about it later and he had no specific recollection or realization of what he'd done. 

I am a long time getting to my point, I know .... so here goes ... the immediate fascination I had when I first read about DD a month or so ago, was that it is a lifestyle, and can't be broken down into just a bedroom practice. I could see it working in real life as it seemed to be a much more normal lifestyle than what one would find with a fulltime D/s relationship (although in thinking about it further, the dynamics are close in concept and I could see how the lines between a D/s and DD relationship could cross or blur). In my mind, with DD we could still be Nora Jean and Frank albeit with a secret side to our life. Finally, the most important factor for me, is the practice allows for the transformation of the HoH partner to a more confident, dominant personality. The kind of personality my inner self yearns for Frank to be .... if I can give him this 'leaning in' (thanks, Meredith and Jack) , then maybe both of us can have our cake and eat it too. 





Now we're back to figuring out what that looks like for us ... 

20 comments:

  1. Nora Jean,
    I am so excited to read here and learn more about you. You have painted a picture of yourself by sharing some of your earlier fascinations with spanking and a D/s relationship in the bedroom. Somehow, these little parts of who you are, become what I call your "Chapter One" story. They all contribute to how you arrived at where you are today and introducing yourself to us. Very happy that you found a blogland neighborhood that feels comfortable to you. Those first tentative steps are so life-changing.

    We are already getting to know you and your Frank. He sounds like he is already dipping his toes in the dd/ttwd water. Perhaps, it will feel more natural to him, since he already "played" this HOH role as a kink. You will be amazed at the changes you are both in for as you find yourselves and at the deep happiness that you will come to know.

    Love your writing style and your fresh, honest voice.

    A Big Welcome From Ella

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  2. Nora Jean,

    This post is essential in our understanding of how you and Frank got to this point. I agree with Ella, that these first steps are so important in your "Chapter One". As your guy continues to find out the rewards, the evolution will continue.

    We are so pleased you are here with us.

    Meredith

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  3. Nora Jean,

    You may just find the first comment I wrote to this post. Your "coming out" is great for all of us. We look forward to reading your story. You write well and express yourself with great honesty. Hooray! Welcome!
    Meredith

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  4. Welcome to you Nora Jean! Congratulations on your new blog and already several excellent posts. I am not a blogger myself but an avid reader who also reaps the amazing benefits of living ttwd.
    It sounds like you and Frank are well on your way with this journey, good for you! It’s great to read that Frank is becoming more comfortable in his role outside of the bedroom and that you’re making efforts to ‘lean in’. It’s just a matter of time before it all becomes second nature and truly a part of you both. Thank you for sharing your life with us, and thanks to Meredith for letting us know about you.

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    1. Hi Laurel ... so nice to meet you. I look forward to hearing from you as we head down the road on this amazing adventure!
      nj

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  5. We all have our own way...of doing this thing we do...a way that is right for us..this is a beautifully written post.
    hugs abby

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  6. Hi Abby ... so nice to meet you as well. I am feeling a bit like Dorothy of Oz these days ... I've stepped onto a yellow brick road I never ever knew existed, which is taking me to a most amazing place. tty again soon ... nj

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  7. I'm with you! It's all about dominant presence over the specific acts themselves!

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  8. Hello and welcome to the neighborhood. It's nice to meet you.
    --Baker

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  9. Hi there! It's nice to meet you.
    Amy

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  10. Hi Lea ... Hi Baker ... Hi Amy ... wow! ... such a welcoming group. It will be fun to get to know you all over the coming months.
    nj

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  11. Hi Nora jean, it is very nice to meet you, hope you can pop over to mine for a chat too.
    love Jan, xx

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  12. Hi Nora Jean,

    I'm so glad I found you, thanks to Meredith and Ella :) Welcome to blogland, I look forward to visiting more :)

    Hugs
    Roz

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  13. Nora Jean, hello and a very big welcome. I'll look forward to reading more.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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  14. Hi Nora Jean,:) I enjoyed your post. Sounds like you have a good feeling for the shape of the dynamic that you'd like to enjoy. It's all about that communication thing, and working together to make it your own, as a couple.

    I agree with you on the whole thing about Dd crossing into the D/s lines. I used to call what we do, "Ttwd/Dd with a twist of D/s"(or something like that). Love your writing! Many hugs,

    <3 Katie

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  15. Hi Jan, Roz, Ronnie and Katie .... I feel like I've been accepted into a special sorority! Thanks to all for being so welcoming and encouraging. We are green as can be ... only a couple of weeks into this so I still have a bit 'deer in the headlights' look about me.
    I'll talk to you all again, I'm sure and I will be reading all the blogs .... nj

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  16. Hello NoraJean, sorry I'm late reading here. Welcome to Blogland, I look forward to getting to know you, you've made a great start.
    Rosie xx

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    1. Thanks, Rosie! ... nice to meet you ... nj

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  17. NoraJean, Welcome! I've been here for a long time and one thing is for sure - We still don't know what we're doing much of the time. But at least we can all come to bogland and talk and visit and and figure out things as we go along.

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  18. Shame on Blogger - I know I commented here! I'll say it again, welcome! I've been around a long time and I can tell you one thing for sure... I still haven't the slightest what I'm doing! I'm a life long spanko married to a wonderful man who is vanilla and still doing his best to figure out what it is I need. Blog land is a wonderful place were we can all gather to talk. I'm glad you've joined us.

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