A spanko or not a spanko, that is the question ....

As we go through these early stages of adopting ttwd, I question my spanko-ness. I have read/am reading, end to end, the blogs of three self professed spankos. I've never considered myself as such, although spanking is very much a part of my earliest memories of my sexual self. I saw this movie when I was quite young. It certainly made an impression!

As did this classic I 'borrowed' from my parents' hidden sexy book stash, furtively read by the light of the streetlight outside my bedroom window ...

Things diverged when I read this in my late teens/early 20's .... I have no real memory of its acquisition or how old I was at the time. I think it was post Frank ... I still have the book ... but not this pretty cover as mine is a very old version, bought second hand. 

Suddenly it was about much more than spanking. It was all about the dominant, submissive dynamic, of which spanking or impact play, was a component ... I have a natural submissive bent ... so far, in the bedroom only. I have never struggled with that concept of self. It is simply a part of me.

Consequently, I 'came out', as I've heard the term used, to Frank about it, ~20 years ago. He was happy to accommodate my kink and ever since we've had what I like to think of as a D/s Lite relationship ... it's occasional kink - light bondage, toys and impact play and all in the bedroom only.

D/s for me does not translate well outside the bedroom ... I think it's because there is a theatrical or playacting side to D/s that does not work for me once the passion of the bedroom has passed. My real world, strong personality had me giggling any time Frank tried to take it outside the bedroom. He would ask, how could I think I was submissive if I never listened and did as I was told ;)) .... in the back of my head, my lizard brain was saying ... "ya gotta make me, baby ... use your voice and words" (I give a nod and a thank-you, to Ella's Sam, in the blog Ella Ever After, for his lizard brain post) 

So for me it's more about my deep down physical and mental reaction to the dominant male .... posture, presentation and tone of voice, than the adoption of a specific discipline action (i.e. spanking). A recent example of why I know this, is not too long ago, we were eating at a restaurant with friends, I was being a little loud after a couple of glasses of wine (I've been told I have a big laugh :)). The waitress asked me if I wanted another glass of wine, at which point I happened to glance over at Frank. Amazingly, I got 'the look', a slight shake of the head and a firm, low 'noooo, you're not' .... I don't think I'd ever been at the receiving end of that look before ... don't think I'd ever heard that tone of voice before (or at least one that registered like that). Not even sure how I recognized 'that look' and tone ... my brain didn't need to ... be still my south of the border lady parts - they were in full recognition! .... finally! ... a real life 'out of the bedroom' dominant move by my man ..... yummhmmmm, my lizard brain hummed! Funnily, I did talk to him about it later and he had no specific recollection or realization of what he'd done. 

I am a long time getting to my point, I know .... so here goes ... the immediate fascination I had when I first read about DD a month or so ago, was that it is a lifestyle, and can't be broken down into just a bedroom practice. I could see it working in real life as it seemed to be a much more normal lifestyle than what one would find with a fulltime D/s relationship (although in thinking about it further, the dynamics are close in concept and I could see how the lines between a D/s and DD relationship could cross or blur). In my mind, with DD we could still be Nora Jean and Frank albeit with a secret side to our life. Finally, the most important factor for me, is the practice allows for the transformation of the HoH partner to a more confident, dominant personality. The kind of personality my inner self yearns for Frank to be .... if I can give him this 'leaning in' (thanks, Meredith and Jack) , then maybe both of us can have our cake and eat it too. 

Now we're back to figuring out what that looks like for us ...