I realized as I lay awake in the middle of the night and rethought and reread my post from yesterday, I didn't quite get to the source of my angst.
What I failed to explain is I have already fulfilled many of Frank's girly girl fantasies ... in the bedroom. I have a lingerie collection that I am sure rivals many. For many years of our married life I have planned and executed in great detail, annual 'hotel sex' weekend getaways, usually around about the date of our anniversary (now that I think about it ... some of those trips are his most favourite memories and are mostly likely how his girly girl preferences came about). We still have bedroom dress up time.
As talked about in earlier posts, ttwd for us, is a way to bring our bedroom dynamic into our everyday life. I now realize that's the source of my concern ... the everyday life part. That is exactly where Frank was going with this, as he already gets to have his his girly girl out of the public eye. He is hinting he might want more of that girl, in our everyday life.
I think I would happily give it a go if we still lived in big city 'Strangerville' but we do not. We live in small town 'Everyone Knows Your Business', which includes a fair number of immediate and extended family members. I think at its most basic, my worry is how to manage the change that others might see in us, in me, as we progress in this ttwd world.
And yes, I need to remember the 3 C's .... Communicate, Communicate some more and Compromise
Thanks for listening ...
Nora Jean,
ReplyDeleteLove your post and now will email you in just a little while.
When we began, I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. I do not even know what I expected. When was this ttwd happening? Let's get on with us. We began a slow dance by communicating in the car, eyes forward and talking quietly. We asked one another questions and discussed one answer's answers. That sounds just about where you and Frank are right about now. I will email soon.
Meredith
♥ ♥ ♥
DeleteLet us know what happens with this. I couldn't do it. The last year I taught they tried to 'suggest' a dress code for teachers. I broke my foot and started wearing shorts instead. I hate dresses and I hate shoes. Other than that ...
ReplyDeleteHi PK ... I will keep you all in the loop ... nj
DeleteHow much more girly you might become in every day life is a matter of negotiation. You have to be comfortable with it. Communication and compromise is the key, as you have already sussed. There is no right or wrong way to live the ttwd life, each couple shapes their own way. Don’t be in too much of a rush, it takes a long time and a lot of trial and error to work out what works for you. Have a lot of fun along the way!
ReplyDeleteRosie xx
Hi Rosie ... Thanks for the great advice ... Frank reminded me the other night during a ttwd convo that I, the voracious reader, am miles ahead of him and he needs some time to catch up ... nj
DeleteHi Nora Jean, :) I have to second Rosie's great advice! You both have to find your own way, and what works for you both. Try not to worry about where you are, and where you are going. Talk, talk, talk, and let things fall where they will. I hope that you have lots of fun too! Have a great weekend! Many hugs,
ReplyDelete<3 Katie
Thanks, Katie! ♥ ... nj
DeleteHi Nora Jean, a friend pointed me in your direction and I'm happy they did. I can understand where you are coming from in this post. I don't live in a small town but I do live in a very tight knit community. My husband has waffled back and forth with my dress code over the years with our ttwd dynamic. For the first 2 years I pretty much was required to wear dresses- my choice of style so not Betty Boop more Hippy-like. I am an outdoor, dirt wielding 'girl' who's barefoot every opportunity I can get. Surprisingly you can do a lot in a dress/skirt. They are also WAY cooler in the summer too. As far as our neighbours went, the men made many complimentary comments, and many women asked my where I bought my dresses and commented that they should really start wearing more dresses. Basically it wasn't really an issue.
ReplyDeleteA good friend of mine and her husband exchange 'requests' for the following year as anniversary gifts. I decided to pass off my new dress wearing as a request from Barney with that as the excuse. Not that anyone really asked. I just said it for my sake when they made a comment.
After a few years I asked him if I could just choose when to wear a dress so he knew I wasn't just 'going through the motions'. He agreed, though some days he instructs me before I get out of bed to 'pick 2 dresses and I will choose one you will wear today' Truth be told I still choose to wear them more days a week than I don't because I know he loves them ( he used to believe it helped my submission, and maybe it did- initially).
I have read your blog and your willingness to submit to what Frank wants; your time restrictions, your years of wearing the underwear he lays out. If he does ask this of you, I would suspect once you swallow your fear and follow you will feel a great sense of submission. For myself, I find that the more difficult I find the request (and that varies from person to person) the deeper my submissive feelings flow afterwards. Barney loves watching 'the war within' and seeing me choose to yield to his instruction. Truth be told, once I get over the hump, I love it too!
Good luck! Submission isn't easy, but that is sort of the point. LOL.
willie
Hi Wilma ... thanks for dropping by ... and yes, if it were easy, it wouldn't be quite so much fun ... nj
DeleteHi Nora Jean, I think compromise is the key but don't over think it. Does it really matter what the neighbours think? Lots of people change their look from time to time, they probably won't think much of it. I am guessing you wanted this lifestyle so if that is what he is asking well......
ReplyDeletelove Jan, xx
Hi Jan ... i don't think the neighbours will notice much at all but the rellies & kidlets might be a whole other story :)) ... nj ... xx
DeleteHi Nora Jean, I just read your previous post and this one. Some great advice above and I agree with Rosie, communication, negotiation. You have to be comfortable.
ReplyDeleteDon't rush things, your dynamic will develop and evolve over time and will no doubt keep evolving.
Your family, friends and neighbours may see you and Frank becoming closer and even happier...that's a good thing :)
Hugs
Roz
Hi Roz ... I keep having to remind myself to slow down and with the kind help and support of the ttwd women in blogland, I think the message is starting to sink in ... xx ... nj
DeleteHi Nora Jean, Just catching up here. Read this post and the one before it. Eric doesn't tell me what to wear or anything like that in our ttwd relationship but that said, we are a very playful couple and he does like variety. I have my style for sure but sometimes he craves a change. Last Halloween, I bought a wig and clothes that are the complete opposite of me. He came home from work and found this "other" woman in our house. We role played the whole thing out and had an incredible time. He loved that all of his desires were being met and I loved that it wasn't something I needed to pull off daily. We've brought the "other" girl out twice since then. Once because he was craving that style and once because I was in the mood. My advice, keep your relationship fun. Ttwd adds many dynamics but it sounds like you are playful couple so keep the play!
ReplyDeleteAmy
Hi Amy ... for sure, dress up for play is a ton of fun. That was always the theme of our annual weekend getaways ... being someone I normally wasn't. Thanks for the reminder! .... nj
ReplyDelete